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Today Is Free Chipotle Day. No, Seriously.

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Thank me later.

Sometimes free is free. More often, free comes with a catch. Monday’s free burrito catch is tofu.

Chipotle is pushing its new tofu Sofritas. They’re luring you in with the promise of something free in the future. Here’s how it works:

Go to any Chipotle on January 26th and pay for a Sofritas menu item

You’ll receive a special code on your receipt, don’t throw it away!

Bring your receipt back between January 27-February 28 to get a FREE burrito, bowl, salad, or order of tacos of your choice (meat included)

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I’m Writing A Book & You Lucky B*tches Get To Read Some Of It Here

I randomly selected a few pages. I’m currently suffering from a seemingly incurable case of writer’s block but I’m 107 pages in. This is considered my first book since it’s the best written, and the one I’m pushing for publication. Once I finish it. I haven’t titled it yet, I usually do that after the book is completed or at least a name comes to me mid-completion.

The story is about a young black couple, in love. Rare, I know. No baby momma drama, no drug dealing, no one goes to prison. I wanted The Notebook, for us. You know? Not enough pure black love stories. Anyways, the couple face a HUGE tragedy as Jessica reveals to Justin, that she’s going to die. She asks him to promise her something and it’s a true measure of what unconditional love is really supposed to be. This is possibly my favorite part of the book, so far. They’re fighting, and Jessica finally tells Justin what’s been going on with her. But she asks him to make love to her so she can tell him. She’s about to lose him if she doesn’t. This is the part where she expresses her fear of dying. 

“Justin!” 

 

I jumped out of my sleep, to Jessica staring at me like I was crazy. I had been dreaming. It was 3:32am, Thursday. She turned a light on and handed me a bottle of water.

 

“You were crying in your sleep.”

“What? Crying?”

“Yes…Justin, we need to talk.”

 

Afraid of what she was going to say, thanks to my dream; I cut her off.

“I’m leaving.”

“What?”

“I’m going away for a couple of days.”

“Um, okay. When? Where?”

“Today, my flight leaves at 2:20 after work.”

“Ok…. you weren’t going to tell me? When did you find out you had to leave?”

“When we came back from Hawaii.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Jess, you won’t talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on anymore and I can’t do it. I need to clear my head and figure some things out. Maybe when I get back, we can—

“Just go. Leave, Justin.”

“What?”
“Go! I don’t care!”

 

She started crying, hysterically, just like she had done in my dream and that was it. I grabbed her by her arms and shook her.

 

“Jessica what the fuck is your problem?! Why do you keep doing this shit to me, man?”

 

After noticing the terrified look on her face, I let her go but still towered over her against the wall. I spoke softly, and seriously.

 

“The wedding is off. I can’t do this anymore.”

 

Her eyes widened and big tears splashed onto her cheeks. I didn’t care anymore; I turned away from her and went into the kitchen. I tossed back a shot of Henny to calm my nerves and leaned back onto the counter, with my eyes closed.

 

“J…I just need some more time.”

“No, Jess.”

“Baby please don’t leave me. I can fix this. Let me fix it.”

 

I kept my eyes closed, afraid to look at her or I might’ve changed my mind. I felt her hands; she reached for my waist and kissed my chest. I pulled her off of me, she whimpered, apologizing through her tears. I sighed. She reached for me again, pressing her body against mine and my dick ached for her. It throbbed and began to swell. She sighed.

 

“Make love to me?”

“Jess…”

“I need to tell you something, and I need you to make love to me while I’m telling you. Look at me, Justin.”

 

I opened my eyes, frowning sadly. She stood before me, in one of my work shirts, unbuttoned. I stared at her naked, glistening flesh, and at the fear in her eyes. I wasn’t sure what she needed to tell me but I gave her what she asked for. I took her there, on the kitchen floor. As I dug deep inside of her, she cried. She told me she loved me through painful tears that made the lump in my throat reappear. She wrapped around me and whispered in my ear as she cried harder.

 

“I’m scared Justin…I’m so scared.”

I was afraid if I opened my mouth to speak, I would cry. It was crazy. I had never been so emotional. I spread her thighs further and tapped her spot. She moaned and gasped and cried. She was close. I wanted her to tell me what was wrong. I wanted to know what she was afraid of. Instead, she told me that she was cumming and as she screamed and shook beneath me, I came too. I got up; kissing her tear stained cheeks, and carried her into the bedroom. She laid on my chest in silence for a few seconds and what she said next, shattered my entire world…

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I Can Relate To This New Ciara Song Way Too Hard

I bet you start loving me
As soon as I start loving someone else, somebody better than you
I bet you start needing me
As soon as you see me with someone else, somebody other than you
And I know that it hurts
You know that it hurts your pride
But you thought the grass was greener on the other side

 

All to often has a man begged and fought for my love & affection, only to f*ck it all completely up. In the moment, like Ciara sings, they were comfortable. And thought they would always have me. It’s never until I move the hell on and fall for someone else, that they come back…as if they even have that kind of pull anymore. FOH. I love this song, just off of the message alone. I can relate 10000000 %.

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Trey Songz “Slow Motion”

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, in which I probably will not have a Bae (-_-) Trey Songz drops a slow song.

Baby, why don’t you make yourself comfortable
While I go and put this tongue on you
So tell me when you ready
I’ma speed it up for you just for a second
Just for a second
Then I’ma slow it back down and keep it steady”

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Women Are Crazy Pt. 2: How We Communicate

BkglSKQCUAAV8j6As much talking as women do, very rarely do we listen. You ever notice how a woman makes facial expressions and sound effects when you’re talking to her? As you’re speaking, we’re drawing out our counter-attack in our heads. We’re contradicting every thing you say and prepping for retaliation. Just the simple fact that we often cut you off mid-sentence should let you know; you’ve already lost and we’re fully prepared to explain for hours (b*tch).

How We Communicate When We’re Angry:

Women are petty & vicious when they’re scorned. Sh*t, when we’re bored. It’s a personality trait I’ve fought hard to stop but sometimes…I just feel like being a d*ckhead. It depends. A) Has this person been a d*ckhead to me? If yes, how often? B) Is the situation really this serious? C) Is It Wednesday? That last one was just to show you that I don’t need a reason to be a b*tch. That’s what’s wrong with me now. By far the pettiest thing women do to their men when they’re upset is look extremely f*ckable and tell them they can’t f*ck. She’ll roll her eyes and blow her breath, coming to be fresh out the shower and smelling like a red velvet cupcake. She’ll wear lace panties and won’t wrap her hair that night. She’ll turn her back to you and poke her butt out. The minute you slide up beside her, she’ll start off “you know what your problem is Shawn?!” And you can forget it. It’s petty for 2 reasons; 1. She’s teasing you and that’s just cruel. 2. Secretly she wants you to Baby Boy her. Yes, she’s probably pissed at you and for good reason. But no woman wants to have all that testosterone built up and not have you help her release it. If I’m arguing with my dude right before bed, idc if I cry mid- “f*ck you because—“, kiss me. Choke-stroke me. Apologize while you’re buried inside of me. Don’t let me go to bed mad. Don’t take my “no” for an answer. It’s stupid, I know.

How We Communicate When We’re Sad:

Our feelings get hurt, pretty easily.You usually send a “Good Morning My Queen” text every morning at 6:45am, this morning you sent a simple “good morning, have a good day.” at 8:13am. You woke up late, you were rushing for work, you were texting in traffic but you still said something. We’re not going to take it that way. Our feelings will be hurt, because we’re used to routine. Once you start something, we expect that every time. So our response to that text won’t be “thank you baby, you too.” It’ll be a disappointed emoji and when you say “??” we’ll say “nothing. U too.” Like an a*shole. We’ll assume you’re mad at us and when you say “Nah babe, I’m just busy.” We’ll huff and puff and say silly sh*t like you’re too busy for us and argue. Instead of understanding. Why? Because our feelings were hurt. By something that minor. When my feelings are hurt, I respond short & dry. I send “K” texts.

IF YOUR WOMAN SENDS YOU “K” JUST KNOW YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING. BE PREPARED. 

How We Communicate When We’re Happy:

It’s more physical with this one. We’ll hug you for no reason. Kiss you more than normal. Smile harder than usual. We’ll be singing and sh*t, in the kitchen. WE’LL BE IN THE KITCHEN!! And it won’t just be some regular sh*t like chicken breasts and broccoli. It’ll be steak, lobster mac&cheese, rolls, wine, pound cake & strawberries and ice cream. It’ll be King sh*t. We glow when we’re happy. You can tell a genuinely happy woman by her eyes. I have sad eyes, I’ve been told. I haven’t found my happiness yet. If you look on my IG, maybe the pics with my daughter I’m genuinely happy. Otherwise, it’s just an amazing (but sad eyed) selfie. When I’m happy, it’s baby this and baby that. When I’m not, I’ll call you by your first name. That, is up there with a “K” text. You can also gauge your woman’s happiness by how she acts in the bedroom, or out of it for that matter. As soon as you walk in, if she pounces on you; she’s happy as sh*t. If she makes the night about you, she’s happy as sh*t. If she just sucks & swallows you and ya’ll don’t even make it to actual sex; she’s happy as sh*t. Keep up the good work.

We really only have these three emotions. I mean, horny and hungry are self explanatory. Disappointed will fall under angry, except it’s more intense but less verbal. When a woman is disappointed in you, she’ll almost sound apologetic while she’s reprimanding you. It’s the worst. When your woman is stressed, it’ll be a combination of sad and angry. She’ll snap on you but she’ll cry afterwards. It’ll be an emotional roller coaster. She’ll need you to hold her and make love to her but she won’t say it. She’ll be quiet but quick tempered, more than usual. And she’ll appear to be standoffish. It’s not really you (hopefully) but just outside sh*t. Just rub her back and kiss her forehead. Try to help if you can.

Don’t ask her if she’s on her period. Ever. Even if you see her buying tampons.

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Je Suis Charlie; #PrayForParis

Police are hunting three French nationals, including two brothers from the Paris region, after suspected Islamist gunmen killed 12 people at a satirical magazine on Wednesday, a police official and government source said.

The hooded attackers stormed the Paris offices of Charlie Hebdo, a weekly known for lampooning Islam and other religions, in the most deadly militant attack on French soil in decades.

During the attack, one of the assailants was captured on video outside the building shouting “Allahu Akbar!” (God is Greatest) as shots rang out. Another walked over to a police officer lying wounded on the street and shot him point-blank with an assault rifle, before the two calmly climbed into a black car and drove off.

“This is bad for everyone – particularly for Muslims despite the fact that Islam is a fine religion. It risks making a bad situation worse,” Cecile Electon, an arts worker who described herself as an atheist, told Reuters at a vigil on Paris’s Place de la Republique attended by 35,000 people.

Charlie Hebdo (Charlie Weekly) is well known for courting controversy with satirical attacks on political and religious leaders of all faiths and has published numerous cartoons ridiculing the Prophet Mohammad. Jihadists online repeatedly warned that the magazine would pay for its ridicule.

The last tweet on its account mocked Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the militant Islamic State, which has taken control of large swathes of Iraq and Syria and called for “lone wolf” attacks on French soil.

An amateur video broadcast by French television stations shows two hooded men all in black outside the building. One of them spots a wounded policeman lying on the ground, hurries over to him and shoots him dead at point-blank range with a rifle.

In another clip on Television station iTELE, the men are heard shouting in French: “We have killed Charlie Hebdo. We have avenged the Prophet Mohammad.”

EXECUTIONS (click to see video)

Paris prosecutor Francois Molins said the assailants killed a man at the entrance of the building to force entry. They then headed to the second floor and opened fire on an editorial meeting attended by eight journalists, a policeman tasked with protecting the magazine’s editorial director and a guest.

“What we saw was a massacre. Many of the victims had been executed, most of them with wounds to the head and chest,” Patrick Hertgen, an emergencies services medic called out to treat the injured, told Reuters.

A Reuters reporter saw groups of armed policeman patrolling around department stores in the shopping district and there was an armed gendarme presence outside the Arc de Triomphe.

“There is a possibility of other attacks and other sites are being secured,” police union official Rocco Contento said.

U.S. President Barack Obama described the attack as cowardly and evil, while German Chancellor Angela Merkel was among European leaders condemning the shooting.

 

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