I’ve never been a huge Bey-freak (fan) but watching this video, I couldn’t help but smile the entire time and recognize what other people see. You can feel the love, or whatever you want to call it. Everyone has their own opinions on The Carters, and whatever it is that you guys feel, I finally feel it. But don’t expect me to get all crazy and start posting #RelationshipGoals on their pics, on my IG. Yes, I want to be a power couple with whomever one day and be extremely blessed and successful. But I don’t want to be them.
Just when I thought I was tired of hearing DJ Mustard beats…
I just want to thank my readers, my subscribers, those of you who give me feedback either personally or via social networks, those who retweet my links on twitter, like my posts on IG, anybody who ever supported LoveJFab YOU ARE APPRECIATED. If you have a blog, clothing line, makeup line, music, whatever you do that you’re passionate about, and you want a feature on the blog, send me your info. I support those who support me, and even some of the people who don’t. Because I figure, you must not know any better to not like my sh*t. I took your advice and got back into what I’m great at, writing. I didn’t want to do another fashion blog, gossip blog, beauty blog, etc. I wanted to write about real situations that I experience as I grow. Sh*t that you could relate to, and if not, avoid my mistakes lol But overall, I really appreciate the support and the love. It really shows when I go days without posting, and you guys still view my sh*t every day! That’s crazy, it feels amazing. I even appreciate the negativity, it let’s me know I’ve done my job as a writer. The mission is to invoke emotion, whether good or bad. And if you can do both, you’re a great writer. I go through life like everyone else and I get writer’s block at the weirdest times but as you guys know, when that inspiration comes? IT COMES. And I apologize for the lengthy posts, I just have so much to get off my chest. Blogging is my outlet, my release, my therapy. I talk to the keyboard and it listens. One day, I’ll write a book. I keep getting requests, but I don’t want to be a Steve Harvey kinda chick. I don’t feel like I know enough about relationships to write an entire book on how to have one. I’m still learning and making my own mistakes! But, a book doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I love when you guys talk back to me, let’s me know you’re listening. I don’t write with the expectation of being liked, I write with the intention of voicing my opinion. That’s all. I understand that I have a very rare view of the world, and my opinion is unpopular. But that’s why I express it. The more honest I am with myself, the happier I am, internally. I share some of those things with my readers, not in the hopes that you love me, but in the hopes that they love yourselves. I appreciate every view. Your feedback is important and lovejfab is for you.
T H A N K Y O U
Why Does Turning 26 Suddenly Feel Like I’m Turning 30?
When I was a kid, I remember having to write those stupid “Dear Future Me” letters. I remember writing to my 25 year old self, at probably 13 and having my entire life figured out. In my mind 25 was IT. By 25 you had a bomb a*s career, a house, 2 kids, a husband, hobbies on the weekends, a nice savings account and all the rain drops were candy bars & milkshakes. (Remember that from Barney? No?) At 18 I thought I had things figured out, I had two jobs, a car (a sh*tty one but paid for), my first apartment, I was in college and I had just gotten really good at blending my tracks. Life happened along the way and by 21 I had moved back to Connecticut briefly, then back to Atlanta with no job, no car, no apartment, and a baby! That year turned around though, it brought my mother & I closer, I learned I was really good at this mom-thing. I relied on google, TLC’s “Bringing home Baby” and those motherly instincts they say kick in. My daughter was always happy and healthy, and I started working at the airport so I was happy. It was like college all over again. Fast forward to now, I’m 25 and if you ask me to check off anything off that sh*tty letter I wrote to myself 12 years ago, I would roll my eyes and say “letter? Everyone tweets now darling.”
Staying in now, is so much cooler than going out used to be.
There’s no better turn up at this age than netflix, wine and some kind of carbs (either pizza or pasta). When I was younger, at it feels weird to say that because I’m still relatively young, but a few years ago, I was all about the turn up. I had my weeks planned; Tuesdays were any bar in Atlanta, $2 Tuesdays & 25 cent wings are like Holidays here. Thursday- Opera nightclub. Saturday- Compound. Always. And I liked it this way, for a little while. But then I got tired of how much fuss it took to go out faithfully, there was the dreaded rush at 10pm to start getting ready. Now, I’m likely yawning at 10pm. I still enjoy going out every now and then but ask my girlfriends, they literally have to drag me out and I’ve become the flaky friend. I’ll make plans but that hype part of my spirit is diminishing and halfway through the night, I’ll change my mind and be completely content in bed. My “turn up” now consists of the gym during the week, I get excited about my me-time at the nail shop or going to the movies in the middle of the day by myself. On the weekends, I live for my Sundays now, and not just because of the cool sophisticated day parties I sometimes go to, but because I get up & go to church with my family, then to my mom’s for coffee, cards and her cooking. It’s an all day event, it usually involves a nap around 3:00 and then taking my daughter & my sister roller skating that night. I’ve found a new love for sitting around high rise condos, smoking a cigar and listening to music with my friends. If I can wear my hair in a messy bun, and not wear my waist trainer, I’m all for it. The clubs are too much. I have to make sure everything is “beat” “laid” and “snatched” and if I do go out, every now & then you can find me on Peter’s St at a hookah lounge or some sh*t, watching the game & not twerking on the bar, like I did last summer.
Actually, you’re kind of just getting your sh*t together now.
I was so hard on my future older self, as a kid. I didn’t realize that I would hate college, that I would mess my credit up because of college with credit card bills and sh*tty roommates and that it would take me this long to figure out what I’m even good at. I know I’m good at a lot of things but as far as something I could do for the rest of my life? That’s easy, write. Either blogging or as a published author. Or a magazine editor. It doesn’t matter, I just really love writing. Even as a kid, winning writer of the month awards and always having the best poems and stories, I didn’t really want to be a writer. I thought I wanted to do hair, like my grandmother. I was originally supposed to move to Charlotte, NC and go to Dudley School of Cosmetology, but my mom got pregnant in Atlanta & I had a crush on some dope boy named Derrick. Derrick now has 7 kids and I thank God every day that crush didn’t last long enough for me to make that roster. But anyways, I thought I wanted to do hair, until retail taught me I actually don’t really like people. People are mean, and rude, and they rush you and order you around. I wanted to be a lawyer once upon a time, because I’m really good at arguing and I like being right, until I realized I had a problem with authority and (believe it or not) I was actually wrong half of the time. I remember always liking to study people though, and figure them out. I loved psychology in college, and I was so into my criminal justice class in high school, my teacher thought I was crazy. I remember for an entire month, we studied serial killers. We watched documentaries on Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, etc. and I was SO present in class during that particular month, I was pulled aside after class more than twice. I think she thought I was a serial killer, but for some reason, these men intrigued the f*ck out of me. I wanted to be a psychologist but ONLY to serial killers. I wanted to be a Clarice, and interview Hannibal Lecter. For whatever reason! I think because most of them, although sick & monstrous, were geniuses. I thought I wanted to go to school for fashion, until celebrity stylist Olori Swank told me not to waste my money because you couldn’t be taught how to be a stylist. Which brings me to today, as a personal stylist and assistant, I get to put ALLLLLLL of those possible career choices to work. I’m happy now and I enjoy my career. I’m sure next year I’ll want to be a flight attendant, simply so I can travel more & have more stuff to write about.
You will have an Eat, Pray, Love moment.
Most people have mid-life crisis’ and that’s really all you ever hear about. But some people go through a quarter life crisis at 25. Why? For all the sh*t I just talked about. You don’t know who you are, yet. Everything you thought you knew, you don’t and everything you thought you wouldn’t be, you are. It’s a very confusing time as a young adult. With social media, magazines, your parents, teachers, THE ENTIRE WORLD telling you which way is up, why it’s not “becoming” to go down; you’ll end up losing your sh*t. You will have a breakdown, trust me. I had mine two years ago, it was actually a depression that turned into a spiritual cleansing kind of. I thought I was going to marry the man I was madly in love with, I thought my friends were in this thing called life with me, and I thought my family supported me 100%. I was very, very, wrong. And I wasn’t prepared to be as wrong as I f*cking was, man. After going through 2-3 months of sitting in my car every night so I could cry in peace, going to work with xanax and alcohol in my system and over all feeling like sh*t, I had my eat, pray, love moment. I cut everything out, started fresh. I quit my sh*tty job (which lead to a smaller breakdown further down the line) and the sh*tty guy (However, I relapsed twice with him). I started eating healthy and going back to church. I told my family how I really felt about years of emotional abuse and I went to parenting classes myself. I felt great. I found myself, I’m still finding bits & pieces as I go on but I really found myself. My depression lead to my tumblr, which lead to my blog, so thank you d*ckheads who treated me horribly & tried to ruin my life. Thank you.
Your body starts to change, small changes but it changes nonetheless.
Remember at 19 you could eat chinese food at 3am and drink soda before class and then eat pizza for lunch and then hot pockets for dinner? And stay the same size? And feel awesome? That kind of sh*t catches up at 26, slowly. Over the years, those 10-20lbs will creep up and you’ll wonder how the hell did you get here? You learn to love your vegetables, who would’ve ever guessed that?! But you will, and you’ll find all this cool sh*t to do with them, put them in smoothies and whatnot. You’ll appreciate a daily vitamin and the gym will be your diary. I’ve noticed my body changes now based on my diet more and less of what I actually do. When I was younger, I was always active so I never cared about what I ate. I was a cheerleader, I was on the drill team, I was out dancing every weekend, I was having sex as much as possible, I took the trains and buses everywhere, I was always moving. I can go to the gym for two weeks straight, eat whatever here & there and feel awful. I can eat great for two weeks straight, go to the gym here & there and feel amazing. I realize I appreciate water way more now than I did when I was younger, which is great because you need it for your skin and everything really. Because you stay in more, you essentially get more sleep, hopefully. Which is great for your body. My friends tease me because I’m serious about my naps now, as a kid I wanted nothing to do with them. But I appreciate a good mid-day nap, I don’t fight my sleep. If I miss anything, I’m sure I can catch it on twitter, or on TV so f*ck it; I’m sleeping. This is the time to really take care of your body though, don’t wait until things fall apart at 40. Take care of your body now so later on your body will take care of you. It’s cool and “grown up” to go have sushi with your friends, and order water with lemon. A few years back, it was chicken wings and beer.
It becomes very, and I mean VERY easy, to cut people off.
When you’re younger, everything is forever. “___ loves ___ 4eva” “best friends forever” blah blah blah. When you get closer to 30, you realize forever is a very long time and things can change in an instant. That relationship you had at 21, doesn’t even do half of what it did for you then, now. Those friends you had in college usually don’t make it with you this long, and if you’re blessed and lucky, you have a real friend or five, from high school! Once you have your EPL moment and realize just who the hell you are and what you have to offer, your confidence level goes over 9000 and you stop taking unnecessary bullish*t. Life becomes less about having a crew, and more about a solid few. You realize all you need are about 5 people, a bottle of whatever you guys drink and music to have a great time. Why the hell should you build an entourage? You are the entourage! The same with family. When you were a kid, there was that one rude a*s aunt or older cousin, who always gave you hell. They have an opinion on everything you do and you’ll get tired of it. But you’ll know how to handle it like an adult, I’ve just mastered the art of telling people to kiss my a*s in a way that sounds like “oh my gosh I just love you so much!” so this is really entertaining for me. But you’re going to have to tell people quite often, to mind their own business and those who respect it, will stick around.
You’re either ready to start a family or ready to stop one.
Before I had the pleasure of carrying a baby and later, the misery of delivering one, I wanted 5 kids. Yes, five of those little people. I wanted 3 boys and 2 girls. I wanted to have my boys first, or at least 2 boys, first and then a girl, a boy and the last girl. I wanted the older two to be close, and be the protectors of the younger siblings. I wanted my last two children to have a big sister, and that big sister have a little brother, and of course the last child would be my precious baby girl, who was nothing like her fast a*s older sister. Although, with two big brothers, she couldn’t be fast, ah ha! See? I had it all figured out. However, I’m going to be 26 and my baby girl will be 6. It sounds young but trust me, once kids start walking and talking, time really does fly. My daughter will be going to sleep overs and growing boobs before I know it. I know I speak on this a lot, but that’s because it’s so important. I’m at the stage where I’m not having another child, if I don’t have one within the next 3 years. I say 3 because I need to take all of 29 to work out, eat right, get a possible boob job, a new car, and a house, BY 30. I plan on going back to school (I know, I know) for nursing and that will take those 3 years up, so in reality, I don’t have time to have another baby now. But then if I wait, I’ll have a 10 year old and a 10 month old, who the hell wants to deal with that? Not me. But you never really know how and why things will happen the way they do. I just know that my sister and I are 18 years apart, she and my daughter are 2 years apart, talk about complicated! I don’t want to do what my mother did and have to start all over. I enjoy being a younger mother, as crazy as it sounds, but I do. I like being able to keep up with my kid. At 30, working 12 hour shifts at a hospital 3 days a week, do you know how less stressful it is to have a 10 year old, vs having to worry about a 10 month old? Oh ok. It would take a miracle to convince me to have a kid after that.
Your definition of love will change.
When you were in high school, love was the girl who wore your jersey on game days. It was the boy who took you to all the functions and kissed you at the end of the night. When you’re in your early 20’s, love is the person you drunk dial at 3am & they don’t take your head off about it. It’s the person who gives you the best orgasms and does something dumb like get your name tattooed on themselves. At my age, love for me? It’s the guy who prays for me, the man who I can sit in the same room with reading a book & drinking coffee with, the guy who can see me in all of my glory; no weave, no makeup, stretch marks & jiggle. It’s the person who brings comfort. The person who teaches me something I had no idea I would even need to know. It becomes less of what looks good and more of what feels good. Love will be the man who asks how I’m doing, as well as how my daughter is doing. He’ll be the person who texts me in the middle of the day about a blog post I wrote weeks ago, because he pays attention. When you’re young, love is about being completely obsessed with another person. It’s about showing off the fact that you’re someone else’s. Even the terms change. From “I have a girlfriend” to “I’m seeing someone.” You have a more sophisticated yet subtle approach with late 20’s love. You don’t have to say it every day, or every time you hang up the phone, because it’s something felt in the air. It doesn’t need to be bragged about, it’s a lot more substantial. The “I love you” ‘s that come at this age will mean a little bit more, they’ll be said less often verbally and shown more in actions. The girl who loves you isn’t necessarily the one posting pics of you everywhere, but the one sending you silly pics in the middle of your bad days. The guy who loves you at 26, isn’t the guy taking you home after the club, but the guy who makes sure you make it home safe and checks on you the next morning. Love will feel so different now, than it did then and you’ll appreciate it more, when it happens.
My average reader, I’m guessing is between the ages of 21-31, so a lot of you can probably relate. To the under 25’ers, stop taking 22 and 23 so seriously. I mean, yes to a certain extent, some things are serious like your credit and staying out of jail. But to be honest, I feel like you need those mistakes as well, to shape your future self. You won’t have a perfect adult life, and it’ll all be worth it. Enjoy it while you’re young because 30 comes before you know it. To the 50 year olds, 30 is young. Us soon to be 26 year olds know what’s up. Those 4 years will be like high school, before you know it, it’ll all be over. Take this time to find yourself and hopefully, by 30 you actually know who that person is.