Are You A Provider Or Are You P*ssy Whipped? How To Tell If Your Girl Loves Your Cojones Or Your Coin

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Is there something wrong with a man taking care of his woman? Even when she’s perfectly capable of doing it on her own? How does one walk the thin line of being a provider, vs being a sucker? I always see “the woman who asks for nothing deserves everything” all over IG & tumblr and I guess I agree. When a woman shows you she can do everything for herself financially, if you choose to kick in on a bill or spoil her with shoes, then it’s because she deserves it. However, when you have a whiny a*s woman who is more concerned with $1200 red bottoms, when her rent is due, you possibly have a situation on your hands. Back in the days, the man worked and provided for his family financially, while the woman took care of the household. Nowadays, the woman is either doing everything for herself or in some sad situations, doing the man’s role for him. I’m all for independence but still, a man needs to be a man. As a woman who typically can handle everything herself, I guess I would get a kick out of my man surprising me with gifts or going to pay a bill, and it’s already done. But society wouldn’t give that man a high five, they would suck their teeth and roll their eyes, “n*gga, don’t be buying these b*tches sh*t.” Oh.

That whole “men use us for sex so why not?” stuff has to go out the window too. Because, some women use men for sex and sex only. If there’s an eggplant emoji by your contact in her phone, you’re that guy. A lot of women simply enjoy using men, they feel like if he has it, I’ma get it. That mind set is admirable, if you mean get it your own way. Match his success. But the women I’m talking about are like leeches. You have to gradually date these kinds of women, they smell money. You can’t take them on $200 dates right off the bat, unless that’s just how you roll. But if you’re trying to figure out if a woman likes you for you, start small. Don’t fly her out to Dubai just because she told you she dates rappers and the last one took her to Aruba on their first date. 9/10 she’s baiting you, seeing if A) you have the coins and B) if you’re willing to share them. If you’re not a “throw it in the bag” type of guy, then keep your damn mouth shut and tell her “good for him.”

BwzsHgHIcAAGjPRI saw this happen in real life one day on twitter, and had an issue with it. Not because the guy was being generous, but because she exploited that. This broad talks too much, she made this man look like a complete sucker. She didn’t have to say all of that, especially not that “after a day of meeting you” part. Women like her are making nice guys, afraid to be nice. I’m sure his friends called him all types of sh*t this day. You know who this guy reminded me off? Yo Gotti. I love Yo Gotti. In majority of his songs, he talks about taking care of his woman. He talks about getting her hair and nails done, buying his girl purses and shoes but one thing sets Yo Gotti apart from other rappers who talk about the same thing. THIS N*GGA PAYS OFF STUDENT LOANS & BUYS B*TCHES SALONS. Now that? That’s enough to have me getting up at whatever time he comes home from the strip club, to bathe him and make him cheese eggs. Student loans?! You want to impress a woman? Invest in her future. A real woman would turn down those bags and shoes and put that money towards making more money. If your girl has expressed a dream, or has a talent for something but just isn’t there yet financially, give her that push. Hand her $5,000 and see what she does with it. If she goes out and buys a bag, you know what kind of woman she is.

Is She A Gold Digger? Or Are You Just Too Generous?tumblr_n9jjigpSuf1twizxro1_500

Does this woman work? Has she ever worked? What did her last boyfriend do? What’s her credit score looking like and why? What’s her 5 year plan? Does she have caviar expectations and Krusty Krab money? These are things you need to know! If you just start splurging out the gate, you can’t get mad at her when she starts holding her hand out. You created that monster. If you knowingly date a gold digger, than you better have some to keep her. In Atlanta, 75% of the women here are looking for a come up. I personally know women who only deal with men who have a certain amount of money, and would rather take public transportation with a Celine bag than to have that man invest in a car for her. Love does not come in the form of labels. A lot of these women only look like high quality. Being from the East Coast, the North at that, I’ve always had my own and been about getting my own first. I’ve been asked before why I work so hard, when I could just be a stripper. Literally. I had a woman tell me “girl, if I had an a*s like that, I would just strip. F*ck a job.” Bye Felicia. I don’t knock strippers, who genuinely have ambition. Diamond stripped, to pay for college, not just to strip.

tumblr_m42tqgMTyg1r5pin2o1_250See if your woman can take care of herself on her own first before you decide if/when you want to take care of her. If she’s struggling when you meet her and you decide you want to save her, that’s on you. But if she tells you she needs to get herself together, and you see her actually climbing up out of her hole, then by all means she’s earned whatever you want to do for her. Just step back and see how your woman handles set backs, because they happen to all of us, some minor and others major. Pay attention to her priorities, make sure she’s good with her own money first before you give her your’s. And even then, make sure she’s worth it.

The Quickest Way To Determine If A Woman Is With You For You, Or Your Coin

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Pull a Mitch on her. She can see that you’re paid, but tell her you’re not anyways. It’s your way of letting her know “don’t ask me for sh*t, ma.” and gauge how she deals with you after that. The problem with most flashy people, is they truly are broke. They might be in the club in a section, with bottle service, they might have nice clothes and chains, and most definitely they’ll have a fly car. But…like Mitch, they either go home to their parent’s house, or to a cheap a*s apartment. Now if a woman is truly feeling you, you could take her back to your crib in College Park and have her making you Ramen noodles in her red bottoms. She won’t care about what you have. Or don’t have. Pay very close attention to her and how she reacts to your place. If she’s looking around oohing and aahing like she’s never seen a leather sectional before, take her back home. Now, if you had maybe a sting ray couch and a fish tank with sharks in it, that’s different.

Don’t ever deal with a woman who constantly asks how much something cost, or how much you paid for it. She’s trying to gauge what you can and can’t afford. Even questions like “how much is rent here?” is a red flag, because why the hell is she worried? Unless she’s gonna move in and split bills, she doesn’t need to be in your business. Be weary of women who tell you all their business too. Or ones who constantly talk about bills to you. She wants you to pay them. When you ask her how work is, the first thing shouldn’t be “ugh they cut my hours and idk how I’m gonna pay all these bills now.” If she’s real, she’ll handle it on her own and you won’t even know she needed anything unless you find out accidentally.

Don’t assume a woman needs you financially either, it’s almost rude. I dated this guy who asked me how much my nails were, so he could budget that into his bills. In high school, this would’ve been cute. As an adult, (who spends around $80 every two weeks on them) I found this insulting. But I told him how much, just to see.   Now along the way as we dated, I went and got my nails done twice. On my own, as usual. I wasn’t going to remind him of his empty offer or ask him for anything. When the time came, I went to the nail shop like I normally did. He even complimented my nails when he saw me. The first time I said “thanks” and left it alone. I blurted out “Yeah, no thanks to you” the second time, because I felt like he was being a d*ck head and it was annoying at this point. He slapped his forehead and said “aw damn baby that’s right! I’m sorry.” The next situation was my car, we were sitting in it one day talking and he said “when’s the last time you had a tune up? You need a tune up, I’ma take your car when I take mine.” Again, I said ok. He took his car, like he said, and never brought up mine. So again, I did it myself as I had already planned to anyways. What this guy taught me was that men naturally assume women need them to take care of them, I mean God did make them to be providers. But in actuality, if he really was a provider, he would’ve provided. If you offer to do something for a woman, make sure you go through with it. It’s tacky to pull the “look what I can do” card and then make her ask you for it.

The difference between the provider and the man who’s p*ssy whipped is simple… Who’s hand is out? If it’s your’s, as you’re paying bills and taking care of business, you’re the provider. If it’s her’s, as she’s pouting and asking for nail money *scoffs*, you’re that other guy. A woman who’s with you wholeheartedly will love you the same when you’re down, as she did when you’re up. If a set back happens and she disappears, you clearly were being used for your pockets.

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What My 13th Tattoo Means To Me

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I recently had been going through some inner and emotional turmoil. I was feeling a lot of pressure and losing myself, to the demands & expectations of other people. I’ve always held myself in high regard, however somewhere along the way, life took a lot of that shine from my eyes. I was told I had “sad eyes” and a lot of inner pain. For me, tattoos release that pain. It’s my form of therapy. In a twisted way, I guess it’s similar to people who cut. They cause physical pain to themselves, to purge emotional pain. Whatever it is, it works for me and has for the past few years (or past few tattoos). I always feel better afterwards, it’s like during that time, listening to the buzz of the needle, I have an out-of-body experience. I literally feel myself letting go of whatever I was holding in and I’m almost in a trance. I chose Lost Queen & a modernized Nefertiti to remind myself that it’s ok to lose your way, as long as you remember who you are and what you’re capable of. My mother asked me will I ever be found. I don’t know honestly, and I’m okay with that I guess.

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More Women Are Faking It, Even The #TeamNatural Chicks

tumblr_naj7mkOvIY1tu9x3ro1_250Women are the most innovative creatures on the planet. We know how to contour our faces to go from Jesse Jackson to Janet, what to wear under our clothes to look like coke bottles, we create our looks and change them often. Women are real life chameleons, and I love being a woman! All the hair and makeup stuff is so much fun. I thought I had tried everything, from weaves to lashes to waist trainers. But I missed two of the most time saving options of all. You may have already seen what I’m about to show you, however there are some of you who have no clue these things are going on in our wonderful world. I’m about to save you A.) hours in the chair at the salon and B.) years of waiting for your natural style to flourish. You’re welcome.

Lace Front Box Braids. Yes. 

FINALLY!!! No more having to sit in a salon with 3-4 African women tearing your edges up for hours for long poetic justice braids, micros, kinky twists, none of that. Lord knows those women can grip! They’ll catch your eyebrows if you don’t tell them not to. And sitting in the salon is no fun in the first place. God forbid you go the cheap route and ask your cousin to braid your hair. That’s a over-the-weekend ordeal. She’s gonna be talking on the phone in your ear, getting up to pee, putting ramen noodles on and snatching your head all around her lap. No thank you. Not to mention the maintenance of those braids. Washing them is a pain in the a*s, they never fully dry and then they stink if you leave them in too long. They’ll also eat your edges up. An even bigger pain? Taking them b*tches out!! It seems to take twice as long as the install! Raise your hand if your friends have ever volunteered to help you take your braids down, only to go missing that very next day? Hmmph.

Have you ever wondered how Bey can rock waist length braids at the drop of a hat, and then a sleek middle part just a few days later? Here’s your answer. Watch this video, order your unit today and don’t worry about ever sitting for braids again. I like the idea of a wig because I only ever want braids for like, a week or two and then I want to comb my hair. The units in the video and on-line are around $200-$300, about the cost of braids any damn ways. 

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Right. Sign me up! You can find the braided wigs on wig-parlor.com.

Natural kinky coil-y weaves.

Every woman who’s ever gone natural knows the true success comes when you start retaining your length. It’s like when men grow dreads, they go through that initial ugly stage and then as soon as they get length, they’re fine as hell. Well, for natural women, unless you have a great grade of hair, that initial “look I’m bald” stage isn’t very cute. I went natural twice, luckily for me I realized I had a nice natural texture but I still hated the process. I spent $$$ on product for detangling, co-washing, curl defining, all kinds of sh*t I had no idea I even had to do. I was impatient and I truthfully just wanted to go from Simba to Mufasa in a matter of months. Welp, that didn’t happen. My hair did grow fully back out, only for me to cut it again and realize I wasn’t about that natural life. But stumbling across Heat Free Hair in an Ebony magazine changed my outlook. Now you don’t have to wait for your natural hair to grow into a gorgeous fro, and you can protect your hair with still wearing weaves. Just, naturally textured hair. I love the idea, the look and the confidence it gives our black women. HFH is on the costly side, the wig I want is almost $800 but if you factor in the cost of sew-ins (buying the hair also) and maintenance, you spend that probably twice, if not 3 times a year. So now I wonder, out of those curly haired baes with the green eyes you see men drooling over, how many of them are completely natural? It’s none of my business & I truthfully don’t even care. I just love good looking hair.

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YES. YES. AND YES!! Go check these looks out today on heatfreehair.com.

I don’t know about my readers but like I said, I love good hair. I don’t care if I’ve grown it myself or paid for it, good hair will always make my day. When wearing these looks, it’s important to remember to maintain your real hair, which is a lot easier with wigs because you can take them off often. But keep your natural hair moisturized, lay those edges and go about your business. In the summer, I’ll more than definitely be trying the braided look, for the fall I think I need some big, Angela Davis type hair. I hope this helped someone!

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Chris Brown’s Album Is Out Today!

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Is it too soon to say Breezy’s back? He had a mixed summer, filled with highs (Loyal) and lows (Prison) and we’ve all seen his rise and fall from the top. But it seems like he pulled through and is back, with his sixth album X. 

It’s the Roman numeral for 10. 5/5/89 is my birthday: 5 plus 5 is 10, and this is my tenth year since I got into music. ‘X’ is the 24th letter in the alphabet, and I will turn 24 when this album comes out. ‘X’ is also a metaphor, as in ‘ex-girlfriend': it implies you’re progressing and moving on in life, not holding on to the past and your old ways. I tried to stay away from the Euro beats, and not go totally pop. Instead, I wanted to take the Quincy Jones approach. The record pays homage to the Stevie Wonders, the Michael Jacksons, the Sam Cookes. I wanted to put that classic essence of R&B and soul with the new age of music now. There’s a lot of live instruments, and a lot less Auto-Tune. I really wanted to demonstrate my vocal ability, creating the vibe of me singing along with a band.

There’s production from Timbaland, Diplo, Polow Da Don, Danja, Pharrell, and Drumma Boy, with features from Nicki Minaj, Kendrick Lamar, Jhene Aiko, Trey Songz, Wiz Khalifa, B.o.B and Kelly Rowland, to name a few. I just hope this album isn’t  over produced and over featured, like most artists do. It’s usually a sign that the music doesn’t speak for itself, but hopefully with Chris, it does. You can get in stores and on iTunes now.

“Autumn Leaves,” featuring Kendrick Lamar – Brown is sullen here, comparing a lover’s departure with summer’s, in time for fall. “It seems that all the autumn leaves are falling/ I feel like you’re the only reason for it.” It’s a quiet cut with guitar tickles. Kendrick Lamar seemingly raps on Brown’s behalf, mood-swinging from thoughtful to vicious. “And they won’t let me live/ Even when it’s remorse that I give/ When are they gon’ rejoice and forgive/ Tell me how [do] I stay positive?” It’s a question that’s easy to imagine Chris asking, as he hopes to wipe his slate clean. It’s been a while since Brown has had a hit, that wasn’t intended for the club; this could be it.

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Make Your Own Crab Cakes

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I love cooking, and I love to eat. I also love seafood. And crab cakes especially. These look amazing and seem easy to make, when I have my house warming I’ll make some and let you all know how it went.

MARYLAND CRAB CAKES

1 lb. jumbo lump or backfin lump crabmeat, fresh or pasteurized
1 large egg
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1-1/2 tsp. Dijon mustard
1-1/2 tsp. Old Bay seasoning
1 tsp. fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce Kosher salt
1-1/4 cups fresh breadcrumbs (from soft white sandwich bread)
1 Tbs. chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 Tbs. unsalted butter
1 Tbs. olive oil
Lemon wedges for serving

Drain the crabmeat, if necessary, and pick through it for shells ( jumbo lump will not have shells). Put the crab in a medium mixing bowl and set aside.

In a small bowl, whisk the egg, mayonnaise, mustard, Old Bay seasoning, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, and 1/4 tsp. salt. Scrape the mixture over the crab and mix gently until well combined. Gently break up the lumps with your fingers but do not overmix.

Sprinkle the breadcrumbs and the parsley over the mixture, and mix them in thoroughly but gently; try not to turn the mixture into a mash—it should still be somewhat loose. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 to 3 hours.

Shape the crab mixture into 8 cakes about 1 inch thick. In a 12-inch nonstick skillet, heat the butter with the olive oil over medium heat. When the butter is frothy, add the cakes to the pan (8 should fit comfortably). Cook until dark golden brown on the underside, about 4 minutes. Flip the cakes, reduce the heat to medium low, and continue cooking until the other side is well browned, 4 to 5 minutes. Serve with lemon wedges on the side for squeezing over the cakes.

Let me know how they come out! Or….you know, make me some.

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Start Being Happy Today; Say Goodbye To These Toxins.

The year is coming to an amazing end, fall brings out food, family & fashion. Normally this time of the year makes everybody happy, they get in the Holiday spirit and get wrapped up in Halloween, Thanksgiving & Christmas. Most people don’t take a minute to see where they’re messing up, until the New Year’s. And let’s be honest, no one ever commits to those pesky resolutions anyways. Wouldn’t you want a head start though? You have 3 months until the end of the year, why wait? It’s been said that it takes 30 days to form a habit, so you have time to form 3 great habits.

jogging_workout_beginnersTurn a winter gut into a summer butt.

You can’t blame cookouts, kick backs and boat parties any longer. You’re not out eating ribs for 72 hours straight and washing all that down with a cold beer. The best thing the cooler months does is keep you inside a little more. This means you have time now to cook healthy meals. There are so many IG fitness fanatics that you can follow, to learn how to meal prep your favorite foods, just in a clean way. Search Eat Clean Train Dirty, Clean Easting, etc for ideas. If you get a head start on eating healthy now, you can use Thanksgiving as your cheat week if you want to! Most clean eaters allow themselves a cheat day, once a week. Me, personally, I would rather “save them” lol and go ham (literally) during Thanksgiving.

Another thing people promise to do in January is work out more. Lose 10 lbs. Whatever. Do it now. The gym is less crowded because people aren’t scrambling at the last minute in May to get abs by June. You can take up running or bike riding if you’re not a gym person, the cooler air feels so much better than the beating sun. Find out which parks near you have jogging or riding trails, and get into some fall fitness. If you don’t like ANY of that either, get a home dvd workout system, like P90x or Insanity. They work extremely well, so I’ve been told. I’m too much of a p*ssy to try either, right now. I’ll do it in January. *rim shot*

closet-organizers-decluttering-organizing-tipsDe-Clutter your space.

Everyone always talks about spring cleaning, but why not do it now too? Make room for all the clothes you’re about to buy & the holiday decorations you’re about to do. If you’re not a neat freak by nature, start small. Maybe you just have a bunch of sh*t, EVERYWHERE. I’m pretty much an OCD sufferer and everything is kept very particular but I also have areas of “organized chaos”. You know we all have it. It starts off as a tote or drawer, with little extra things that you don’t have a place for. Slowly, that gets out of hand. For me, it’s my hair products. I keep a tote under my bathroom sink, and right now I can list what’s in there. Blow dryers (2), flex rods, wand curlers (2), flat irons (2), bobby pins all over the place, a million different hair products, shower caps, all kinds of sh*t. I literally have everything for hair, under there, weave and all. I consider it organized chaos because it’s all in one container. However, it’s all over the place in that one container. My solution to this problem; smaller containers within a large container. If you have a junk drawer, go through it and throw out anything you don’t need or use, and find a damn place for everything. Go to the container store and go nuts. You’ll have so much fun organizing things, you won’t even realize you’re cleaning up. Organize your closet especially, you can transfer your favorite pieces to a chic rolling rack for a boutique look, they have hanging shoe racks and shelves that go inside your closet. They probably take up the space of five hangers and hold 15 pairs of shoes, getting them off of the floor and out of your way.

Adam Zyglis CartoonGet rid of toxic people! For good.

I’ll be brief with this first part because I talk about it often. Like I said, cuffing season is here, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle just for the sake of being cuffed. Nor does that mean you have to hold onto that sh*tty relationship, for fear of being single. Let them go. Today.  The same with toxic friends, all summer long you guys yelled “turn up!!” and now it seems as though they don’t know how to turn down. If you have a friend or set of friends who are bad for you, get rid of them now.

Worst of all, and something I’ve dealt with for longer than I should’ve; toxic family members. These are the worst and the least expected. You’re taught that blood is thicker than water and family first and all other kind of sh*t. That’s amazing, if you have a great support system in your relatives. But if you have vindictive, jealous, abusive, and over all emotionally draining family members, dump them too. There’s no immunity just because they’re your blood relatives. No one should be allowed to disturb your peace, no one. Family members especially abuse the holiday season, you’ll have that cousin who comes into town and wants to crash at your place. Tell his lazy a*s no. Trust me. If you know one night will turn into one week, it’ll turn into one month. You’ll have that meddling a*s aunt who comes over and tells you how to decorate, cook, clean, unroll foil, frost the cake, she’ll ask why you picked those curtains, where’d you get that chair from and how much everything in your house costs. To keep your sanity, tell her to sit her nosey a*s down and hand her some wine. Or the whole bottle. What’s worse, will be the bitter grandmother who raised everyone and thinks it gives her free reign to call sh*t out at the table. In my family’s case, my grandmother is that bitter old broad every single day of her miserable life. I normally host Thanksgiving at my house or we go to my mother’s, this year I’m going wherever she is not going to be. I can’t take the negative energy anymore and I’m not waiting until the Holidays roll around to suffer through it. Cut ties sooner than later, with toxic family members and let them know exactly why they’re no longer invited into your happy space. You don’t have to really even offer an explanation. Horrible people know what they’ve done to push you to your breaking point, they just will never admit to you that they do. Call them on the phone to wish them well or if you don’t even want to do that, send a card in the mail. It’s perfectly okay to love your family, and not like them one f*cking bit.

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