Cheating, sometimes, reminds you just how much you love your crazy girlfriend and that she’s not so bad after all. Don’t shoot me, I’m serious. “damn I thought Brittany could suck d*ck but she can’t, let me take my a*s home cuz I know wifey can” *loosens collar, and wipes sweat off my brow.* Damn the air just got thick in here, huh? And don’t remind me that I said the woman who walks away from a cheating man, wins. This is a different case. In the situation I described before, there were lies and betrayal. She and I weren’t given a choice, we were made blind and deaf so everything was a surprise. A painful, sh*tty surprise. I’m gonna tell you right now, I don’t like sh*tty surprises, man. I typically only have these kind of wise conversations with my male friends, because I won’t get the side eye for my rogue point of view. If I were to sit down with my girlfriends and propose this topic, they would roll their necks and call me stupid.
Am I? If women TRULY understood men the way they think they do, they would know that I’m quite sane. Men and women are wired entirely differently, and while there are a few, very rare, exceptions, for the most part they are not one in the same. Women are emotional creatures, even the tough cookies cry. Women operate off of their feelings, men operate off of logic and reason. Think about it. When a woman is happy with her man, you come home to a 5 course meal that she spent all day preparing just to show her appreciation. When that same woman is pissed off, you come home to a dark house and Keyshia Cole blasting from the bathroom. Where’s the logic in that? She knows you’re hungry, she knows you need to eat, and 9/10 she is the one who feeds you. But now that she’s angry with you, anything that makes sense is out the window.
When it comes to sex and love, that’s just how different man & women are. Men look at sex, as sex, whereas women most often confuse sex with love. And this brings me to the point that men can absolutely have sex with other women, and still love you. The physical act of sleeping with another woman, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. At all. It’s how men are wired, biologically and Biblically. They were created to reproduce. Did you ever wonder why women are born with a certain number of eggs, and men have millions and millions of sperm? The woman was made for one man, although that rarely happens, but the man was not intended for one woman. Again, don’t come for me. The older I get, the more relationships I experience, the better understanding I have and the more wisdom I gain. I’ve always stated that cheating isn’t a deal breaker, for me. Yes, betrayal hurts, if it is truly betrayal. If you’re honest and respectful at all times, it’s not betrayal in my eyes.
What the hell is respectful cheating?
Once you accept the fact that your man may possibly stray during the course of your relationship, you sleep a lot easier. Why? Because you know he’s still coming home to you. If you’ve been with another woman, don’t ever come home smelling like it. Take a shower, gargle with mouthwash, examine your balls for any strands of hair that aren’t your girl’s. Don’t be seen out and about with another woman. Keep that b*tch where she belongs, on her knees somewhere. She should only serve a physical purpose, don’t ask her when her birthday is, don’t meet her kids, don’t let her cook for you, don’t even kiss her in the mouth if you can help it.
As a woman, it is your position to be a man’s peace. Does this mean he still won’t cheat? No, because it has nothing to do with that. He has a physical desire to sleep with multiple women, it’s not something that you can control and the more you try to, the further you push him to do so. A man may be completely faithful, including physically, and that’s amazing. But just know that, not all men are like that. The perfect man doesn’t exist, because the perfect human being doesn’t. But back to being his peace, being his happy place won’t keep his d*ck in only your pants, but it will keep his heart in your hands. Does that make sense? You’ll always have a part of him that can’t be touched, the most valuable part of a man anyways. Focus on being the Queen and you’ll never be worried about the pawns. Think about everything your man does for you and provides for you, if he’s a good man. He works hard, he takes care of the household, he satisfies your needs, he respects you, he honors you, but he f*cks around from time to time. Allllllll those good things and you would rather be unhappy, focusing on one bad thing? As long as your man keeps you happy, what do you really have to complain about? Please, please, don’t shoot the messenger.
But I’m faithful to him! It’s not fair.
No, it’s not, and it’s not even the same damn thing. Women are wired to be loyal creatures, good women. We’re supposed to be faithful to our men, regardless of what he does. As a woman, you were made as a wholesome image. Now, Eve f*cked all that up for us. She was too curious, didn’t know how to just accept all the good God had already given her. She listened to a snake, the Devil, tell her she was missing out on something. A f*cking apple, are you kidding me?! That’s what’s wrong with women, seriously. We’re too curious, we want to know all the ifs and whys. For what? To be hurt? We ask for honesty and then flip our sh*t when we get it. We tell our friends too much and we listen to what other people have to say, about everything. If you’re a “what I don’t know won’t hurt me” type of chick then great! Because that’s a true statement, the less you know, the better off your relationship is. This falls back under respectful cheating. As long as your man isn’t flaunting other women in your face, he’s not disrespecting you. Before you disagree, just think about it. Evelyn Lozada told Chad if he cheated to use condoms, she later flipped her sh*t when she found condoms but so what. Cheat, wrap your meat up and don’t just be out here f*cking anything. But women, stop looking for sh*t. Seriously. Don’t look for hotel receipts, don’t look for earrings under the seats, don’t look for lipstick stains. Go about your business and sleep peacefully at night. So many more important things to worry about in the world than if you’re being cheated on or not.
“You can’t say I don’t love you, Just because I cheat on you, Cuz you can’t see all I do, To keep you from knowing the things I do, Like erase my phone, And keep it out of town, I keep it strapped up when I sleep around.” -John Legend. And b*tches love John Legend.
I’m sure I’ve ruffled more than a few feathers with this post, and my best friend is somewhere shaking her head and saying “humph!” But…this is just the way I see things. Acceptance brings peace of mind. If your man cheated, but you know you don’t want to be with anyone else, forgive him and move on. Even if your man doesn’t cheat, or if you’re a man reading this who says they’ll never cheat…already expecting it, eliminates the element of surprise, thus alleviating some of the irrational emotions that follow. Allow your man to be a man and freely. By no means am I saying you should accept being cheated on, if it’s the end of the world for you. For me, it isn’t. I now understand my ex’s girlfriend telling me “I love him. I’ve invested too much into this relationship.” I thought she was crazy. I called her stupid 3,000 times, with a smug a*s smirk on my face. But think about it, are you really just going to let someone else come in and take credit for all of your hard work? You finally got him to remember to put the seat back down, and you’re gonna let some broad he’s just f*cking, proudly tell her friends “girl, my man is trained!”? No. Because you trained him. Be the f*cking Queen and accept that your King isn’t perfect.
I first experienced A3C two years ago and fell in love. It’s a huge 5 day music festival in Atlanta, featuring well known and underground producers and artists. I’m especially excited to see producer 9th Wonder, whom I see every time he comes and love his energy, Metro Boomin, who’s taken over music this year, Sonny Digital and all the artists coming through. Get your tickets at EventBrite now.
A3C [All 3 Coasts] Festival is the preeminent hip-hop festival in the US. Founded in 2005, A3C has grown from a local showcase to a world-renown brand and celebrated cultural experience. Today, A3C is one of the largest hip-hop events in the world with performances from over 500 artists/DJs, including: legends, rising stars, trendsetters, up-and-comers and aspiring talent from across the world. The 5-day festival takes place annually each October at dozens of venues across several closely connected, high-traffic, cultural neighborhoods in the metro Atlanta area.
A3C has become a cultural institution and an incomparable platform to interact with the tastemakers, organizations, brands and artists within the hip-hop community.
2014 Featured Artists: Black Thought, The LOX, Slaughterhouse, Scarface, Mystikal & Juvenile, Too Short, Sean Price, Buckshot, Royce Da 5’9” & DJ Premier, SmifN Wessun, Jarren Benton, CyhiThe Prynce, Kevin Gates, Lil Bibby, Project Pat, 9th Wonder & Rapsody, Kool Keith, Prince Paul, Nappy Roots & More Added Daily.
2014 Featured Producers: Jermaine Dupri, 9th Wonder, Mannie Fresh, Organized Noize, DJ Toomp, The Olympicks, Sonny Digital, !llmind, Metro Boomin, Cardo, Childish Major, Nard & B, Needlz & More Added Daily.
2014 Featured Partners: Heineken, Redbull, Microsoft, PUMA, BMI, Native Instruments, The Grammys. TuneCore, ASCAP, Duck Down Records, SAE Institute, Flat Fitty, Black Scale, Staple, Morehouse, GA Tech, GA State University & More Added Daily.
Every year, for the past few years, Ludacris celebrates his birthday and labor day for the entire weekend. He and his celebrity friends take over Atlanta and every year, I’ve missed it because of work. This year, I won’t! However, I don’t like the club scene, so I’ll probably be skipping those but I’ll definitely be going to the celebrity basketball game!
There’s also a Day Party @ Frank Ski’s
The 3rd Annual LudaDAY Party For Ludacris’ Celebrity LudaDay Weekend!
Saturday, August 30, 2014 from 2:00 PM to 8:00 PM (EDT)
2110 Peachtree Rd NE
And a Celebrity basket ball game @ GSU
LUDADAY WEEKEND CELEBRITY BASKETBALL GAME
Sunday, August 31, 2014 from 1:00 PM to 6:00 PM (EDT)
125 DECATUR ST. SE
In her first collaboration with Carine Roitfeld, the ever-changing Beyoncé expresses her many moods, manners, auras, and multifaceted characters. All hail! — CR Fashion Book
With lyrics like “I wanna make love, for a little while, and then I wanna f*ck, bang your body out…” Lamar Starzz describes himself a bit in his music. A true Capricorn at heart, he’s nurturing and aims to please, with an edge. Growing up in the streets of New York, with 5 younger sisters, Lamar says he’s always had to be the protector of the house. “I would hug my mother and just tell her I love her, kiss her on her forehead, because that was what she was used to. I had to be the man.” And be the man, he did. He’s risen from a rough upbringing in a positive way and I’m sure his mother is extremely proud of the young man she’s raised. An artist, dancer, and actor who didn’t even think he could sing until a classmate overheard him singing Dru Hill’s Beauty Is Her Name at 14. “I was just singing, doing my work and she heard me. She looked, like “Lamar! You can sing?” I was like, you know, a little bit.” I’ll let you all listen for yourselves, that “little bit” has evolved into an emotion-packed powerhouse. When you’re in his presence and he’s singing his heart out, you can feel the raw emotion in his voice. The pain in his soul pours out, forcing you to listen to what he’s saying. That voice is a force to be reckoned with and an amazing gift. I wouldn’t really call Lamar the next best (insert your favorite singer here) because as he always says, no one is singing like this. His voice is completely different, and while his songs are about the standard love, sex, struggle and heartache like most singers, his delivery is entirely more powerful. He’s relatable, he’s charming, he puts God and his family first and just look at him! Atlanta has become a 2nd home and one of the best power moves Lamar could’ve made for his career. Delante Murphy, John “SK” Music, and Bobby Fisher all shaped and molded the man that Trey Songz is today, and luckily for Lamar, they’re molding him now. He’s in great hands and he’s confident in what he brings to the table. Because, he is the table.
You can download his mix tapes, Her and Her II and be on the lookout for his next creation, Elevation.
What would black twitter women think of you? You harlot! Whore! “Thot” ! You gave it up, already? There’s no way you’ll be respected now, OF COURSE! *clears throat and flips hair* UNLESS YOU’RE A F*CKING ADULT. When you live for yourself and yourself only, there comes this refreshing freedom where you can truly, and I mean truly, do what you want without regret. Before you remind me that I wrote a post on waiting until there’s a commitment to have sex, blah blah blah. Look, SHIT HAPPENS. I couldn’t even censor that for ya’ll because I don’t give that much of a f*ck.
But my body is a temple!
Don’t people visit temples? Check I.D. at the door and charge your own admission, idk what to tell you. All jokes aside, don’t give into any and every sexual whim you have but by all means, don’t beat yourself up if you slip up every now and then. Yes, I’m sure you wanted to wait but it just felt right, right? Then go for it. Trust me, most of the time the other person won’t think any less of you. They’ll think you’re an adult, who listened to their body and really liked them. It’s all about how you come off. Now, if you say “I’ll suck every d*ck in this room, including yours.” on the first date, you deserve to feel dirty after he gives you a facial and never calls again. If he even trusts your sexual history enough to let you touch him! I remember thinking if a man went down on me on the first date, he was filthy and probably did that to anyone. Then I grew up and realized a.) if he did do it often, that meant he was good at it. b.) I kinda like filthy. c.) I can’t really blame him, I’ve tasted myself before.
The conversation was flowing, he/she was looking amazing, it felt right and the sex was bomb? What’s there to regret? Other than not being nastier. Because 9/10 that 1st roller coaster doesn’t get the job done. You go to six flags and you’re not hype until you’re on the third ride, screaming with your eyes closed and your hands in the air. That first ride is just a test run, a “do I really wanna do this” ride. It’s an ice breaker. You just wanna see if and how good it really is.
What if I confuse the sex with how good/bad the person is?
Then read my other post, “Good Sex Doesn’t Equal A Good Relationship” and go sit down somewhere. GREAT sex could still be the product of a sh*tty person, but what if sex did correlate to how someone acted? What if a woman who was boring in bed was boring all around? What if a man who was selfish in bed was selfish in a relationship? And you waited however many days/dates to find out? By then you’re stuck with them. I mean, not literally because relationships are like jobs; they’re at will and people get replaced daily. But I mean, you might’ve been looking forward to the sex and sh*t, it sucks! Don’t make your assumptions on a relationship, based off of the bedroom. A man who’s amazing in bed might be the most arrogant, selfish, cheating man you’ve ever met. And one who’s horrible, might treat you like a Queen and give you the World. Or, you could get lucky and stumble across a Unicorn man who’s all the good qualities of both types of men.
He/She won’t respect me, because I gave in too soon.
This only happens IF YOU, DON’T RESPECT YOURSELF. If you get really down about it, or keep telling them “aw man you’re gonna think I’ma whore now” they will. Respect yourself, hold your head up and don’t text them first the day after. Be so unbothered that they damn near have to ask you “um, was last night good?” Don’t make it a huge deal. They might’ve thought you were a whore anyways based off something completely unrelated to how you present yourself to them, you can’t control what people think about you. All you can control is how you carry yourself.
We’ll never have a real relationship because we started off physically.
Who told you that? Beyonce? What’s a real relationship anyways? You’d be surprised how many relationships started off as just one night and turned into happily ever after. On the flip side, you’d be surprised how many relationships lasted a year or years, PRIOR to sex and then shortly after fell apart. I’ve had relationships last for years, and I was the one who only wanted to have sex with that person. Yes, women also sometimes only want sex and not a relationship. Stranger things have happened. If you wanted a relationship before the sex, the sex shouldn’t change that. Unless…
There was this guy. And I thought he was absolutely amazing, husband material. He was handsome, had a promising career and most importantly a true gentleman. I felt beautiful when I was around him, and we had all of this built up sexual chemistry. Long story short, well yeah, literally…He lacked significantly in that department. And I realized how turned off I was by it, that I couldn’t enjoy him physically. I tried to pay attention to how he kissed me, how he ate me, how he touched me…but when it came time to…you know what, it’s not important. I just knew that I couldn’t fall in love with a man I didn’t lust after. The End.
In order for me (and I stress ME because everyone is different) to completely fall in love with you, I have to be able to look at you and fantasize you ripping my clothes off. I don’t care if we’re at Thanksgiving dinner and your Aunt is saying grace, if I look up and lock eyes with you & want to slide the turkey off the table and sit on your plate, dammit we’re going to be great together. I’ve wanted to love men, who I wasn’t sexually attracted to and it’s never worked. There’s no spark. Even if they tell me something very Kevin Gates like in my ear, if I’m not sexually attracted to them, it’ll sound like the weather report. Sex, whether you want to admit it or not, plays a big role in relationships. Have enough, amazing sex? Happy home, for the most part. The arguments don’t last long because the make-up sex is so great. If you had a long day, you know you can go home and get all that stress worked out in the bedroom. You look forward to coming home. Have bad sex? You don’t even want to be bothered. What’s the point? LOL. I’m being a d*ckhead about it because I hold sex to such a high standard but this is my blog, therefore this is how I feel about it. I would much rather argue with a man who could shut me the hell up as soon as he entered me than to have loving, look me in the eye conversation with a man who’s going to pump away for 30 mins while I roll my eyes.There’s a BIG difference in rolling your eyes, voluntarily, and having your eyes roll so far in the back of your head that you can see your spine. I’m just saying.
If you truly like this person and want to explore a relationship with them, after you’ve already had sex “too soon” there’s really nothing you can do but move forward as planned. Maybe don’t have sex with them the next time you see them but don’t play games with them. Don’t have sex with them and then say “we should slow down.” IT’S TOO DAMN LATE. THEY ALREADY KNOW HOW INCREDIBLE YOU FEEL. If you feel like you can’t even see them again right away, do that. But don’t be in their face, just to keep telling them no. It’s annoying as hell, and that door has been opened, whether you went in or just peeked. You already know what’s there and hopefully you can’t help but want it again. First date sex does two things; 1. It eliminates that initial sexual tension and now you can focus on what they’re actually saying. 2. If it’s good, it initiates a different kind of tension. You’re looking forward to how much better the 2nd time will be. And maybe don’t judge based off of one sexual experience. I’ve had bad first time sex that later turned into best I ever had 2nd-50th time sex. It’s all based on if you care enough to let that person know what you like, or give them chances to learn your body. If you don’t really like them as much as you thought you would, then move on. It won’t be that hard, the sex was bad anyways!
“I thought you loved me! You was my baby! My f*cking cinnamon apple! My rose! You was always there for me and you gonna leave me for some bum a*s n*gga?! Some dumb n*gga? You just gonna f*ckin leave me?!”
I logged onto Twitter this afternoon, looking for the usual Sunday shenanigans. Sports chatter, a nudes leak, celebrity slander and all the other filth that occurs on this glorious day. Instead, I saw this video all over my timeline. This poor guy is obviously severely heartbroken and more than likely the woman is sitting in that car with a straight face, subtweeting about him. Women are cold blooded, man I keep tryna tell you. I don’t think I could’ve sat there and watched my man break down, crying in the streets, screaming my edible pet name out for the whole neighborhood to hear…I mean, his cinnamon apple tho?!! Bruh. That’s a serious nick name, one can only imagine the magically deliciousness her box is, well, was. To him anyways. We’ve all been this guy though, whether we want to admit it or not. We’ve been this damn hurt and when this level of hurt is unlocked? It’s not safe for anyone who comes in your path. But you don’t want to wallow in that hurt forever. You have to let that sh*t go, it’s like a cancer.
I remember the first time I got my heart completely shattered. I’m talking about lying down listening to Tamia and sh*t, shattered. After successfully being a G for 23 years and avoiding all kinds of #Feels, it was a light skinned n*gga who broke my steel wall I thought I secured. I talk about him a lot probably, and one day I’ll talk about him less but he taught me the most about myself so when I’m discussing matters of the heart, he’s the first person to come to mind. He was like my drug, my heroin. One minute I would be on top of the clouds, high as a kite just being around him and the next, I was cold & shivering, ugly crying in my bathtub. No seriously. I forgot what happened, we broke up and made up quite often but I remember telling him to let me go if he was going to keep hurting me, and he did. “you know what, you’re right. I don’t want to keep hurting you so I’ll leave you alone.” Let me tell you now, that’s the biggest cop-out n*ggas do, Trey Songz knows, watch the “Best For You” video. It’s my entire relationship in 4 mins. Anyways, so he left. A few days felt like months. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating, my eyes looked like puffy slits in my face from crying nonstop. It was to the point where I had a panic attack at work one day, we worked at the airport together and he was walking down the concourse and I froze. He looked at me, kept talking to whomever and acted like I meant nothing. All of that “I don’t want to keep hurting you” sh*t regurgitated right there on the concourse as he clearly was hurting me. He later told me he didn’t know what to say so he said nothing, I should’ve slapped him then but I waited and when I finally did I damn near had an orgasm from the impact my palm made on his face. Anyways, I clocked out even though I had just gotten to work 35 mins before, went home and took a xanax and sat in the tub. For hours. Fully clothed, in a dry bathtub with the lights off and a nyquil bottle clutched in my trembling hands “just in case”. That was the first time, he continued to break my heart off and on but it was never as bad because I thought I could fix things and that we would get through the next times.
I could’ve sworn off relationships, light skinned men, and r&b for the rest of my life. But I would’ve been one of those bitter broads who have a 10-page MLA formatted response when you ask her “so, how come you’re single?” I didn’t want to grow up and be a cat lady. I wanted to learn from my heart break and figure out a way to avoid it happening again. I found out some pretty good ways to do that and so far, it hasn’t happened again.
- Recognize red flags and run. Don’t walk into a situation with selective hearing and your eyes closed. Pay attention to everything. If the person is involved but still in your face, go the other way because they’ll do the same thing to you. If they show early signs of disrespect, inconsistency and just blatant not-giving-a-f*ck-ness, leave them where you found them.
- Be very clear with what you’re looking for. If someone asks you “what’s your type?” don’t say anything physical. Tell them exactly what you’re looking for. Someone who respects you, makes you feel special, is honest with you, trustworthy and loyal, makes you laugh, likes/wants children (or doesn’t) is emotionally stable, financially able to take care of themselves, uhhhh not a serial killer. I don’t know what your lists are but you do.
- Don’t talk down about an ex or current flame to the potential. Offer neutral answers like “we just grew apart” or “we had different views on what relationships were” something vague. If you flat out say A-Z what you hated about your ex or whomever you’re sorta kinda talking to now, the potential bae will do nothing but take notes and appear to be “different”. Which will wear off as who they really are, eventually surfaces. But by then, you’ll already be in too deep.
- Don’t categorize your new boo. If a girl tells you she’s a Libra, don’t ask for the check and leave because the last Libra you dated broke your heart. Just like if a man introduces himself as “Kevin”, don’t immediately roll your eyes and say “ugh, I hate Kevin’s.” Treat everyone differently, as everyone is different. The two most recent exes I’ve had were both Capricorns, one was really sweet, the other one wasn’t sh*t. But I say that to say, everyone is different and you’ll never know until you try it.
- Stop talking about your ex, period. It makes you look über hurt. You could read this and say “but, Jam…you…” N*GGA I WAS ÜBER HURT, CLEARLY! I’m allowed to still talk about him, in reference. However, I mean don’t talk about your ex to your current or potential. I don’t do that at all.
Heart break is inevitable, especially if you’re a hopeless romantic like myself. You can be guarded without rejecting everyone though, you just have to see who’s worth letting your guard down and who isn’t. And sometimes you’ll judge wrongly but that’s okay, love is about making mistakes and finding out exactly what you need. I believe that there’s someone for everyone, but if finding the one was as easy as dating Christina Milian, everybody would be doing it. Wait…
I really really REALLY wish Lauren Hill would come back. The old Lauren.
See hoochies pop coochies, for Gucci’s and Lucci
Find me in my Mitsubishi, eatin’ sushi, bumpin’ Fugees.
Hey Hey Hey
Try to take the crew and we don’t play play
Say say say
Like Paul McCartney, not hardly,
I can see right through your bluff
N*ggas huff and they puff but they can’t handle us, WE BUST
Cause we fortified, I could never hide, seen “Cooley High”, Cried when Cochise died.
Sigh. I can’t even be mad that Rihanna is well on her way to #BaduBox status… As long as Drake is happy. They actually make a nice couple so, I’m not going to even say too much.
You must remember wakin’ up in Paris with the blunt
You must remember f*ckin’ me like anytime you want
What made us wanna act like we were married for two weeks?
Now we back in California, we don’t even speak
That’s a no no
Everyone said we look good on paper
You deserve that action
Plus you get more paper than I do, that sh*t attractive
Things that make me miss you, with Jen and Melissa
[Rihanna's voice says 'Say Hi, M']
Teyana plays a seductive assassin who is on the hunt for her next victim. And it just so happens to be sexy Philadelphia Eagles linebacker Mychal Kendricks (Rihanna made him her #MCM on IG before, chile) The Harlem singer keeps it steamy with her seductive dance moves and different colored wigs as she seduces her target. Her upcoming album titled VII, drops October 21st. Her hair, lips and body tho! It’s almost Ciara “body party” but with better vocals…bloop.