Continue Reading

Adventure Time: Road Trip 101

 

maxresdefault-2Aside from planning a cabin trip this year, I really want to take a dope road trip this summer. Two summers ago, I drove to Savannah twice with my crazy roommate and our co-worker. A few years ago, my daughter’s father and I drove from CT to ATL. CONNECTICUT…TO…ATLANTA…I was ready to kill everyone and my body hated me for it. I’ll never drive that long again, Savannah was cool. It was only about 5 hours. Basically, I’m pretty sure I’m a road trip expert at this point. Between my love for driving and watching movies where these kids have amazing childhoods that I could only dream of. This summer I want to gas up a cool car, and take on the open road. Here’s how to successfully pull that off.

MAKE SURE YOUR CAR IS TUNED UP, GASED UP, ETC. 

If you’re driving your own car or whoever’s car, please please please gas up first. Even if you’re on 3/4 of a tank, just fill it up before you leave out. Make sure you’re up to date with your oil change/tune up and whatever else. The last thing you want to do is be stuck on the side of the road. We’ve all seen Wrong Turn and all those other creepy a*s movies. Go to the car wash and clean it out, too. You don’t want to ride in a dirty car (your car shouldn’t be dirty anyways, because we’re adults.) you want to be able to lounge with your shoes off and lay your face on the seat if you have to. Also, depending on the season, make sure your AC/heat is working properly. Drive safely please.

images-9LOOK INTO RENTING A COOL CAR.

Just like in the movies, something old school with a top that goes all the way down. If that’s what you like. Or a cool SUV maybe. Don’t be full on cliche and rent a sh*tty beige winnebago. It’s also sometimes better to rent a car so you aren’t putting those miles on your personal vehicle. Just make sure you are fully insured and all of that and take good care of your rental.

 

PLAN WELL. 

Look at what the weather is going to be for the dates you want to travel. Local and your destination’s. It may be 75 here and sunny, so you pack flip flops and capri suns. You may drive 6 or 7 hours out of state, only to be greeting by chilly, rain. Make sure you double check your bag, it sucks to get miles away from home and remember your charger is still in the wall. Those things are expensive and crappy at gas stations, trust me. Pack blankets, even in the summer, and emergency items. My car has an emergency roadside kit I got from Wal-Mart for $18. It has flares, traffic cones, jumper cables, all kinds of cool damsel-in-distress sh*t.

4_passengersEVERYONE WON’T BE APPROPRIATE TO INVITE.

An SUV with 4 people, with 4 different tastes in music, 4 different fast food cravings, 4 different anxiety levels, etc. is something to keep in mind. It’s better to keep passengers to a minimum. Even if there are 10 of you going on a trip. Don’t all pile in a short bus. Take 3 cars and assign passengers based on relationships. Amber, Ashley, Erica and Janet might have the same music and McDonald’s orders in common; let them ride together. I’ve found that guys are easier to ride with than women. They don’t need to stop excessively, they don’t talk over the music and they are essentially better drivers. Also, no kids please. My daughter was a cool car-rider but everyone’s isn’t and you don’t want to subject anyone to your cranky, crying, kid.

images-8SPEAKING OF MUSIC…

The AUX cord will be your friend. Even better, if your car has bluetooth capability. Mine has both, an a USB connection as well for charging/music playing purposes. Don’t listen to the f*cking radio, it’s annoying. Make a playlist. Make a few. Log into iTunes radio, Pandora, Spotify, whatever music streaming app you prefer. The most important part of a road trip is probably the right music. My playlist usually includes fun stuff to sing along to (Beyonce, Rihanna, Chris Brown, etc.) Trap music (Migos, GBE, Gucci Mane, etc.) Classic hip hop (Jay-Z, Pac, Fab, etc.) and the occasional “easy riding” sh*t like Maroon 5. Don’t hand the AUX cord to your friend in a relationship/freshly out of one, unless you want to do 85mph listening to Adele.

everythingpackedEAT THE RIGHT SH*T.

I made the mistake of bringing stuff like fried chicken, and heavy greasy stuff once. Got the itis 45 mins into a 6 hour drive and had to ride with “We found Love” on 50, drinking red bull, with all the windows down; just to stay away. Don’t eat too heavy on a road trip. You’re sitting for hours, you’re going to get sleepy. Pack water of course, sandwiches, fruit, chips and some kind of candy. Chocolate is horrible in the summer. Okay? Take my word for it. It melts, you forget you brought it, someone sits on it, yeah. Skittles and starburst are always a road trip favorite. Also, don’t pack/eat anything that’s going to give you gas. SERIOUSLY. I’m low-key lactose intolerant and I stopped at the cookout while in NC, on the way back to Atlanta. That peach cobbler milkshake was Heaven, until it was Hell. Be mindful of sauces and sodas, they will spill and they will stain. If you stop and get chicken nuggets, dip them all before you pull off. It’s easier. Also, try not to drink too often because you’ll have to stop for the bathroom more. What else… Oh, make sure you have wet wipes and napkins. People will dead a*s wipe their cheeto dust covered fingers on your car seats. Don’t give them the chance to.

nuvi500G.P.S

With today’s technology, if you get lost driving anywhere, it’s almost your own fault. Make sure your GPS on your phone is updated. If you have a car GPS, make sure that’s working. Have someone riding with you google and print out the directions just in case all that other sh*t fails. Also, make sure your insurance or phone carrier has roadside rescue. Your charger could break, your phone could die, anything. Be prepared. DON’T go down any back roads and stop at random, abandoned gas stations. You’ve seen Texas Chainsaw massacre. Those kids were f*cking idiots if you ask me.

LEAVE EARLY.

Usually 10am is a good time to hit the road. Most of the early morning rush is already at their sh*tty 9-5’s. The kids are in school. The roads are pretty clear. You don’t want to journey too late at night if you can help it. Especially if you’re a woman, traveling alone or with other women. People are crazy and you want to be as safe as possible.

BE A TOURIST. 

Have fun. Stop and take cheesy pictures at landmarks. Eat at the diners and bars, trust me, they have the BEST food. Buy little souvenirs. Record stuff on your phone and upload it to IG if you want. Go to the beach. Whatever the town you’re visiting is known for, find out and see for yourself. Go to a festival and eat pie, dammit. Just…have a good time, don’t get arrested out of state and talk to everyone.

images-7

Continue Reading
Continue Reading

Honesty Hour; The REAL Reason(s) Why I’m Single

*sigh*

I’ve been fighting this post for weeks, now. I keep dancing around the truth on twitter when the question is asked. “RT with why you’re single.” “If you’re single, why?” “What’d you f*ck up in your last relationship?” UGH. Listen, what I’m about to say isn’t much of a secret, but it’s a hard truth a lot of people don’t want to face. The problem has been me. I’ve been the majority of the cause for my own unhappiness. I did a blog post prior, something about how women break their own hearts. I meant every word. I guess if you sat my exes/former flings down in a room, they would come to a few of the same conclusions about me.

I’M SELF-CENTERED, EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT REALLY SELFISH. 

Let me explain. I believe the world, your world, revolves around me. Because I’m arrogant and honestly, as amazing as I am; I’ve earned that right. Why do I believe this? Because of what I do for the person I’m with. I feel like if I’d move the stars for you, the LEAST you could do is spend your off day with me. This isn’t really a lot to ask for, but it causes issues because expectations come with this level of arrogance. Expectations lead to disappointments and disappointments lead to arguments. I remember this guy (you know, that guy) dropped everything for me in the middle of a photoshoot he was being PAID for, to come drive me to the ER. We weren’t even talking at the time but I didn’t know who else to call. Long story short, we sat in the hospital for hours. He had a broken foot from work and wasn’t even supposed to be driving. But he came and took me. And his car got broken into, at the ER and his camera was stolen. THIS IS ALL AFTER ME BREAKING SH*T OFF JUST A WEEK EARLIER, BECAUSE I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE A PRIORITY. I think he had called a raincheck on date night with me to go to the studio with his famous friend. And I lost it. Of course, I felt awful afterwards and realized I had made a big deal out of nothing. But that was just an example of my self-centered ways. Had he told me “No, find another way to the ER, I don’t care if you die.” he would’ve been within his rights to do so, but I completely would’ve had a meltdown and pulled the “you don’t care about me” card. It’s not right, it’s just my truth. There’s more.

I WAS GOOD TO BAD GUYS AND BAD TO THE GOOD ONES. 

Most women, hell people in general, do this. I don’t know why or wtf it is that’s wrong with us, but we’re never really good to the good ones. Backwards as hell. I had guys who wanted to give me the world, marry me, all of that. And I didn’t appreciate them. I took them for granted. I can’t even say I was young and dumb because I just did this stupid sh*t in November, lmfao. (It’s not really funny, It’s a defense mechanism) I wised up and caught that fish back though, because I realized I should focus on the people who are good to me and treat them as such. But I remember being 21/22, I can’t remember. And I had this amazing boyfriend. He was sweet and funny and clingy and crazy, about me. And I threw that sh*t away. I wasn’t emotionally mature enough to hold onto that great guy. Emotionally mature enough= I hadn’t had my heart broken enough to wake TF up. I always had an affinity for as*holes, but in therapy and self evaluation… It was more that I was attracted to the traits I had myself. I was that as*hole. That charming, beautiful, piece of sh*t. At the time.

I VALUED PHYSICAL TRAITS OVER EMOTIONAL ONES. 

This was probably the biggest branch to my downfall in relationships. If we slept together and it wasn’t good for whatever reason, I didn’t want to be bothered. The sh*tty guy with the eggplant in his pants got more of me, not just physically but emotionally, than the guy who maybe didn’t feel good, BUT WAS GOOD. You see how f*cked up that is?? Because when the sun comes up and I’m getting dressed, that void is still there. I needed LOVE and I tried to replace that with Lust. I seriously thought a strong physical connection would create a strong emotional one! Silly girl. That only really works for women. The more sex we had, the more my value depreciated. And I didn’t realize it. I was going to enjoy the ride, literally. Unfortunately, all the eggplant papi’s aren’t sh*t.

I GAVE TOO MUCH, TOO SOON. IN GENERAL. 

If I like you, I almost love you. I’m not a “eh…we’re taking things slow. Seeing what happens.” chick. Unfortunately. I’m like “oooohhh he’s cute our baby would be really cute. He’d make a good husband. I LOVE HIM. NOW.” And it’s too f*cking much. Let’s be serious, it’s borderline insane. I can’t help my heart though. What I have learned is to simply stfu now and let those feelings explode inside of me rather than express them. It scares guys away. Even if they feel the same, which I learned the hard way. To have a guy be completely crazy over you, until you reciprocate that craziness. Then he’s like “whoa…I just wanted to like you this much. If we both do it, it’s too much.” *heavy sigh* I also have been guilty of treating my boyfriends like my husband. And this isn’t bad for them, of course, but it’s horrible for me and whatever relationship I was anticipating. They lose the chase once they have me because I give my ALL. My mentor told me to never give fully into the chase. He says once a man knows he really has you, most of them stop working to keep you because, you’re showing that you’re already kept. It was like………. someone had put pop rocks in my Listerine. My mind was blown. And he was completely right.

P.O.W.E.R

I struggled with submission.

Having OCD, anxiety and being an only child for 18 years? Yeah, my controlling tendencies OFTEN f*cked sh*t up. I recently learned how to be seen more and heard less. But I always had to be right. I always needed the last word. I always had to SHOW that I was being the bigger person. I would even start off apologies with “…I’m going to be the bigger person and apologize…” it’s like….shut the f*ck up. You’re not apologizing, Jam. You’re pointing out yet again how you “win” and how you were right. It’s so unnecessary.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, MONOGAMY WAS A STRUGGLE. 

Unless you were a sh*tty eggplant papi, I had an issue with being faithful. I was curious. I liked new d*ck plain and simple. Like I said, this post is going to be super honest…But I’m a very sexual being. I need constant stimulation. Whether you’re sending me a random pic during the day or sexting me at 3am, I thrive off of that physical connection. I’m just learning now, not to put that connection over other ones but it’s still very relevant and important. I remember I cheated on that great boyfriend when I was 22, because he wouldn’t have a threesome with me and my friend. I should’ve respected him, and thought that was sweet. I told him he was boring, when in reality, I was just going through my hoe-phase and couldn’t admit it. I went behind his back and slept with her, and then later, very arrogantly told him. Almost like I was daring him to be upset about it. Because it was a woman, SMH. Then I cheated on my ex-girlfriend, with a guy…because I missed real d*ck and I was tired of her not letting me eat her out. Just…selfish and stupid. But I really struggled with believing sex was that serious, that it was to be cherished. To me, sex was just that. Sex. But it really isn’t ever just sex, unless it’s a one-night stand and you don’t know their last name. Now, I can say that I wouldn’t have a problem being faithful. I just would say that whoever I’m with would have to be open minded and willing to keep me interested. And see, even that sounds arrogant and selfish. Because it is.

 

Continue Reading

A Good Man Is The Most Difficult Kind Of Man To Love

By: Alice Eh
It is a hard thing to love a good man. A good man is not a nice man – he does not do things to be nice, he does things because he has a moral code, a set of values he prioritizes and will always do his best to make sure that his actions are in line with his own personal standards. A good man will not do the easy thing or the convenient thing, or even the thing that he wants to do; he will do what he knows to be the good thing.

He will never lie to you to spare your feelings or attend something because social constructs deem it the courteous or polite course of action, and he will in fact do many things that anger and frustrate you. But you cannot get mad at him, because after all, he is a good man.

A good man is the man who will take his ex-girlfriends call while he’s with you, because he knows that she has anxiety and would only ever call in an emergency, and he is obligated as a good man to do whatever he can to help even when it makes those around him uncomfortable.

A good man will put the wants of friends and family before his own needs, even when he recognizes that his friends and family are being manipulative or selfish, because a good man is always loyal. Worst of all, a good man will believe that his unflinching honesty about not wanting a relationship will negate his increasingly relationship-like actions, the kind of thoughtful deeds that a good man would deem necessary in any and all interactions with a female, despite the confusion they would cause.

And the lucky woman who gets to spend this time with a good man will not ever get upset, because how could anyone ever be mad at such a good man? Any woman knows that in todays world of non-relationships, to be given the gift of such open communication is a true blessing, even when it hurts.

To be with a good man is certainly difficult, but to then be without one is devastating. No one can fault a good man for making the logical decision to end an arrangement, especially when he is not doing it for himself. Of course a good man will always be courteous and gentle, which then makes getting over him essentially impossible.

A good man will change you; you will bask in the warmth of hours upon hours of meaningful conversation and the knowledge that your good man isn’t doing this for any other reason other than his genuine interest in you and your thoughts. And so a good man, despite his flaws and sometimes irritating habits towards goodness, has set the bar so high that no chance encounter at a local pub or conversation on tinder will feel like they can ever come close to your good man.

And since you cannot get mad at a good man, you will not be able to get over him either, and will instead sit at your desk writing a horribly clichéd piece about him so as to distract yourself from texting him on his birthday, because you don’t want that good man to feel bad for inspiring such feelings that would make you remember his birthday 4 months after your non-relationship has ended.

Feelings that he tried to keep you from having, because he is a good man, and feelings that you could not have kept from having, because he is a good man. So it is true that finding a good man is hard, but keeping one is even harder and losing one is simply impossible – impossible to deal with, impossible to accept, and certainly impossible to let go.

Continue Reading
Continue Reading
Continue Reading

Never Settle For Someone Less Than You Deserve By Paula Reid

You deserve better than this. You would have done anything to keep him around. To make him yours. It’s not until right now, where none of those things even matter anymore that you realize you don’t deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel good enough. No one does.

You deserve someone who is going to fight for you and genuinely cares about whether you’re around or not. If someone says to you, they think you’re amazing but they feel like they can potentially find someone else who’s just as amazing.

That’s where it’s time for you to officially walk away. 

I mean really walk away. Not walk away, cause they’re ending it and you technically have no choice. But in the back of your head you still try and rekindle things after a period of time.

Or keep hoping and praying they come around. I mean walk away in every sense you can think of – fully. You’re no longer an option right now, in the near future or five years from now. Unless they plan you a flash mob which in that case – it’s your judgment.

Allowing someone like this to continue to be in your life is reinforcing the behavior that it’s okay for them to treat you like this and make you feel this way. 

It’s not okay. 
 
Someone that’s worth your time would have their focus on you and only you.

There’s nothing else left to add to that. If you’re going to invest your energy, vulnerability and emotion in another human being and they still decide that it’s comparable to someone else out there than I promise it’s not worth holding out for them to come back. 

You deserve someone who will understand what you want and give that to you.

It sounds so incredibly simple. But I’m writing this down to remind myself of all of these things. So I’m assuming there’s people out there who lose touch of these simple thoughts too. 

This is a reminder that we deserve someone who looks at us the same way we look at them and nothing less. There’s always this gap between what we know and how we actually feel which I totally understand.

But I don’t need to explain to you that ignoring the facts can lead down a harmful path. If there were a club that discussed following your heart instead of your head, I would be a gold member.

But there’s a point where it’s not worth it anymore to so willingly give someone everything you have when you know they can’t give that back to you in return. It’s not fair to you, and they don’t deserve what you have to offer to begin with.

Continue Reading
Continue Reading
Continue Reading
%d bloggers like this: