Life is gonna throw all kinds of sh*t at you. So many variables could come your way that you won’t have any control over. Your mother could die while birthing you, your father could be absent from your life, you could grow up super poor and not have what everyone else seems to have, you could have a baby “too soon” and out of wedlock, you could become addicted to either using or selling drugs, you could end up in jail. You could die. Before you can figure out how to walk, you have people holding your hand and guiding you. You’re told what to do and how to do it all the time. You’re constantly corrected and groomed into…something, hopefully. But what society and parents fail to realize, not everyone will walk the same path. Maybe you’re the kind of kid who jumps into his pants with both feet first and then you put on your socks. No matter how you do it, you put your pants on. There’s no right or wrong way. But people will tell you there’s only one way to go, up. Which isn’t true.
This is the biggest lie told to us by our parents, the government and teachers. Do you know how many successful people, don’t have a degree? Or they have one, but it’s just “in case”? A very successful celebrity stylist and acquaintance of mine, Olori Swank told me when I first met her that certain things could not be taught in any school. Don’t waste your time or your money. If you have a true talent and passion, go with that. She has degrees in biology and all kinds of other stuff, and guess what? Her passion is in fashion. Styling to be exact. They have design schools and merchandising degrees, but not fashion styling. Why? Because that “eye” for style can’t be taught, you either have it or you don’t. I was interested in going to SCAD when I met her, she told me not to. And I’m glad I listened, because I now do exactly what I wanted to do, minus the $120k worth of debt and in less than the 4 years obtaining a degree in something related to styling. I’m a stylist. Because I listened to my gut, I went after my passion and I took time and worked on my craft. I listened to greats, I asked June Ambrose questions I never thought she would read, much less answer. I invested in myself, not Uncle Sam. Why give you $120,000.00 to teach me something I’m already good at? The education system is a scam in my eyes, some careers, yes you need a degree in but a lot of other things are extra stuff they throw in so they can make money. How many of you went to school, got in debt, now you’re out and have to work a job (or two) that isn’t even what you went to school for so you can pay bills and student loans while you apply to jobs in your field? You feel cheated or nah? I would.
I’m just saying how I feel man,
I ain’t one of the Cosby’s, I ain’t go to Hill man
Don’t go to college for anyone except yourself. I went for two years, wasted $20,000.00 that I’m almost done paying back now, 5 years later, because my grandmother pressured me into college. Mind you, SHE didn’t even go to college. She went to cosmetology school and cut hair for 37 years. Why the hell was I taking advice from her anyways? Maybe she wanted better for me? Fair. But don’t force your kids into college, especially if you have no idea what college even is about. My daughter is very adamant about wanting to be an artist, she has a natural talent. Maybe she’ll want to go to college or maybe she’ll go to design or be an architect, I don’t know but what I do know is that I want her to know she has options. Maybe she’ll paint some fly sh*t on the side of a building and get arrested for vandalism, and be bailed out by a world renowned artist who’s impressed with her rebellious spirit. Who knows?!
YOU’RE NOT GONNA SIT IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND.
Love won’t come first, marriage might not ever and you may or may not be pushing a baby carriage. Sometimes life takes all of that, puts it in a shaker and serves it on the rocks, each sip different from the first. Maybe you have a baby first, then love and then marriage. Maybe you’re forced to marry someone you don’t even love because of a baby. Maybe you can’t even have kids! Bottom line, don’t envision your life like a nursery rhyme. With shows like 16 & pregnant, which I feel are pollution anyways, more and more young mothers are popping up before love and never even making it to marriage. Did I have my daughter out of wedlock? Yes. Was I 16? No. I was 20, however, in hindsight I would’ve waited. Not because my parents told me I should, which they didn’t, but because 20 is still young. There are certain lessons you can only learn after things happen, parenthood is one of them. Looking over my life for the past 5 years, my daughter is the best blessing I’ve ever received, she’s saved my life so many times and motivated me to keep pushing. Once you have a child, you find your purpose in life. Well, some people do. But the way you know it’s actually working out the right way and you made the right choice is if you feel the way I do. You now have someone else to live for, one very important reason to bust your a*s and go to work.
Let up the suicide doors.
This is my life homie, you decide yours.
I sacrifice a lot to make sure my daughter never has to be without, and when she is without, she doesn’t even know it. That’s what a great parent does. I’m also here to tell you that having a baby will not “ruin your life” lol, my daughter enriched mine. You can totally still enjoy your 20′s and be a mother, it’s actually pretty fun. Kids are incredible and you’re young enough to be hip to all their bullsh*t. But if you find yourself feeling like you made a horrible mistake, make a decision that’s best for the child. When life hands you a lemon (in your uterus) you can either be Juno, or Casey Anthony. Pick Juno, please.
Life Shouldn’t Be All Work And No Play.
It’s okay to be selfish, dammit!! If you don’t think about your needs and make sure they’re taken care of, who the hell will? Not that girl you just met who has amazing sex but can’t cook and certainly not that guy who wines & dines you, when he’s not with his wife. The people in your life may care about you, but no one will care about you like YOU WILL. Learn how to listen to yourself, you know when you need a break. I see so many people on instagram preaching daily about grind, grind, grind and #teamnosleep and whatever else. Grinding is cool, but what good is working THAT hard that you not only never take the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor but even worse, you don’t ever sleep?! To function at 100% you need rest. Take a vacation, don’t spend your whole life working. Don’t sacrifice too much, for work. Don’t miss out on love, and having a family and traveling, because you’re working. Don’t be so busy making a living that you’re not living.
Treasure. What’s you pleasure?
Life is a, uh, depending how you dress her.
MONEY GROWS ON TREES ESSENTIALLY, HOWEVER NOT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME YARD.
When and if you experience financial hardship, just know that there’s a light at the end of your tunnel. It’s not the end. Jobs will come and go, sometimes your bank will have multiple zeros in the account and other times, just one. With no other numbers. Just a big fat “0″. Don’t let it break you. The most I’ve had in my account at one time (so far) was $37,500.00 I remember feeling untouchable. And I was, for a smooth year and a half. I didn’t care about work. I shopped, I paid bills, I picked up tabs, I helped family members out. But you wanna know what I didn’t do, and my only regret? I didn’t save anything, I didn’t invest anything. It was a careless error on my part and due to my ignorance. I didn’t know any better. I was never taught how to be financially responsible. I felt like I had done good, the money had lasted me almost two years! But when it was gone, it was like it never happened. The one thing I do want to educate myself more on is that, financial responsibility. A lot of young people, and especially black people, aren’t taught that. Especially Americans. We’re encouraged to have credit cards. We’re not taught to save up and buy whatever we want. We take out loans for everything. Want a new car? I’ll put down a thousand and owe 19 more. Why do we do that? We live above our means all the time. I read something the other day that’s stuck with me, “don’t increase your spending, just because your earnings increase.” I was guilty of that. I had more so I spent more. In reality, the way the rich stay rich? They haggle everything. They ask for discounts, they utilize deals, they’re basically “cheap” with most things. It’s smart as hell. I’ve lived both sides of the spectrum, surviving with 30,000 in the bank and 30.00 to my name. I’m a fighter, naturally and I hustle. You have to have those two natural instincts to make it in life, fighting and hustling. Always stay hungry. If you have 30K, hustle and triple that. If you have 30.00, get it to 300, and then 3,000 and then 30,000. Then, do what I just said with that 30,000.
I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven
When I awoke, I spent that on a necklace.
If you don’t know how to save, try this money saving challenge. There are tons of ways to save money, write a monthly expense report. Whatever is left over after bills and essential personal expenses, divide it in half. Spend some, save some. If you have direct deposit with your job, get a “keep the change” savings account. It’ll move your change automatically into your savings and by the time you know it, you’ll have a nice rainy day fund. They (whoever they are) say that everyone should have 6 months of living expenses in their savings at all times, just in case. You can also set up your direct deposit to take out a certain amount of every check automatically. However you save, just do it. My daughter and I saved all our loose change for about a month and recently cashed it in, it was $32.00. She got to spend it and we’ve started over. I teach her how to save, because I wasn’t shown and I want her to be financially responsible. Start now.
You know I already graduated
And you can live through anything if magic made it.
OH MY GOD. IT’S HERE. FINALLY. I just started reading the first book entirely over, in anticipation. I do this every time a movie comes out to a book I’ve read. At first I wasn’t sure if they’d picked the right actors but looking at this trailer, they’ve nailed Anastasia & Christian. My God. And I’m sure the Beyhive is losing their minds, their precious Queen Bey has re-made “Crazy In Love” for this movie. It does sound good. I can’t wait, I really can’t.
Nicki dropped the cover work for her new single coming out “Anaconda” and LAWD HAMMERCY.
“We embody all that’s right with the world
No matter how pretty she is, you never likin’ my girl
That’s how we run, when you ain’t around
I’ll spank ya son, keep him in line
If you should die, I’ll keep him like mine”
Getting too caught up in casual relationships? Guilty. Picturing my current boo/crush/him as my husband and future son’s father? Also guilty. Acting like a wife before even being a girlfriend? Guilty as f*ck! And for what?! Let’s all just…relax. Relationships are as complicated as the people in them make them to be. I for one, complicate things in the blink of an eye and for no really good reason. I’m just quick to wrap myself up into someone. I love that new feeling, the rush, the dopamine that flows throughout my body and gives me butterflies. I start expecting serious commitments based off of MY feelings and for what? Every guy I date isn’t meant to be my husband. People always say “my next boyfriend will be my husband” why? Who said that’s how life has to work? What happened to fun, casual relationships? Who said good morning texts had to be mandatory? ESP if a title hasn’t even been established. How come two people can’t just enjoy each other’s company without all these rules? Some people are put in positions in your life, for the moment. Maybe you just got out of a sh*tty relationship and need to laugh again, boom. Maybe that’s all this is meant to be, that after-relationship fling. Maybe you just needed to laugh again and God sent you this person to remind you how to do that. It doesn’t always have to equal a happily ever after. And most of the time it won’t! So just enjoy it for what it is. Whoever you’re meant to be with in the end will be there and if not…idk just live your f*cking life. I don’t think I’ve met my husband yet, and if I did, I probably unknowingly friend-zoned him. Dammit. Ah well, pretty soon I’ll be famous enough to catch Drake’s eye and “have this moment for life…for life….for life.”
Wanna know something about women? We travel in packs. You ever wonder how a girl on worldstar gets in a fight and suddenly 50lem of her folks come out of nowhere to help? If you see one, the other usually isn’t far away. Now me, myself? I’m not one of those “come with me to the bathroom” chicks but if I’m with my girls, I’M WITH MY GIRLS. And we have signals when one of us isn’t feeling you or your friend. If we’re at the club dancing, we give the look. It’s usually a big-eyed “get him tf away from me!” expression and one of us will dance over and take her hand, leading her away from the weirdo and back to safety. If we’re on a double date, please believe we’re kicking each other under the table talking in morse code. Just know that, what’s between you and her, is between you, her and her girls. We tell each other TOO much. How the d*ck was, about that time you cried, which one of your friends we wish we would’ve talked to instead, how we’re plotting on your demise so we can “do us” again, all kinds of sh*t. A woman & her friends’ group chat messages are your worst enemy. THE FILTH INSIDE THOSE BUBBLES. But let’s say we have nothing but nice things to say about you and “Keisha & ‘nem” still can’t stand you… then what?
This friend is the worst, she’s the epitome of misery loves company. She makes your girl feel guilty for wanting to spend time with you, she calls and texts constantly. She rolls her eyes at the sound of your ringtone. Her bark is bigger than her bite, all she wants is her own. Put her on with whatever home boy you know is gonna pipe her down and shut her up.
Hater #2: MY-MAN-IS-THIS-WHAT-DOES-TYRONE-DO-AGAIN?
She walks around as if she’s Kim Kardashian, and her man is Kanye West, and you two are Madea and Brown. In reality, Mr. West is none other than a dope boy turned fake “entrepreneur” who’s never really at the studio and buys her stuff to cover him cheating on her. Next time she asks you “what do you do again?” Reply with “come home to my girl.”
Hater #3: HE’S-NOT-EVEN-CUTE!
Chances are, she isn’t either and neither is her man. She’s just typically salty and could possibly be attracted to you but wants it to seem like you’re repulsive. Call her bluff, and see if her eyes don’t light up with the mere mention of your meat. Then walk away.
Hater #4: HE-TRIED-TO-TALK-TO-ME-TOO.
L M A O. I don’t even acknowledge these kinds of friends. 9/10 she’s going to make it seem like SHE turned YOU down and you’re not sh*t, and if you aren’t then she’s right. However, it’s a small world, everyone’s tried to talk to everybody at this point. That’s what dating is. She’ll be the friend who’s the most upset when you propose to her friend. Why? Because she was wrong about you and now you’re making someone else happy.
Bottom line, if people aren’t talking about you, there’s something wrong. Her friends could genuinely be concerned because you either seem too good to be true or they legit know you’re no good. Either way, her girls are going to talk. And they’re going to dig, because they want to make sure you deserve to be with their friend. IF they’re her real friends.