Aubrey. My Husband. I named my cat Aubrey, like my real life feline pet cat. Not my p*ssy. Although this is his, too. I want an owl tattoo and everything. I love Drake. LOL. Don’t act like you didn’t know.
Dating is so underrated nowadays. You might meet someone at a club, then you follow each other on IG or twitter, like every pic, make each other your #MCM/#WCW, and boom; you go together. Dinner & a movie has morphed into pizza and netflix. Which is cool, after you guys have been dating for a little while. I still believe in romance. The bouquet of flowers emoji is cute, but what happened to men buying women real flowers? 140 characters is cute on twitter, but what happened to love notes? Some people aren’t good at romance, true romance. They’ve never seen The Notebook or Jason’s Lyric. I’m not telling you your love life will be like their’s, but there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic in a realistic world.
1. Coming To The Door To Pick Someone Up.
Actually get out of your car, walk up to a woman’s house and ring her doorbell. Or knock. Don’t honk your horn when you pull up, don’t text her “come outside”. Sitting in your car waiting on her to come to you is rude, and the only way you’re going to be able to open the car door for her, is if you get out. So get your a*s out. (Open every door for her, really.)
2. Dress Accordingly To The Date.
Even if you two are going to a bar to watch basketball and drink beer, wear some nice jeans and shoes. Iron that shirt, even if you just threw it on. Look nice and smell good. Always dress up for a date, even if you’re dressed down. You can have on jeans and a cute top too, but wear heels and do your hair. If you’re not a makeup chick, that’s fine. Put some mascara on, he’ll notice that little thing because you don’t wear makeup. Just put effort into your appearance, you don’t want to lose your date on the first one because someone else caught their eye & looked better. Another note for women, don’t go out with your man, looking like you’re single. By that I mean, don’t show too much skin, it’s disrespectful to the man you’re with.
3. Bring Flowers Or Other Tokens Of Appreciation.
ESPECIALLY if it’s the first date. Bring her flowers, ask her what her favorite flowers are in the first conversation. The one where you guys discuss favorite colors and middle names. That way it’s not obvious, don’t ask “what kinda flowers you like?” 30 minutes before you’re supposed to pick her up. If they’ve invited you over for dinner, don’t come empty handed. Bring wine or dessert.
Get out of the “come chill” mode and get out of the house. Take her on a drive, go the long, scenic route or ride around the city and talk. Go on a picnic in the park. Take a walk together. Hang out at the beach. Go dancing somewhere that’s not free before 11. The club is cool, but that’s usually where you meet potential mates. After you’re dating, go dancing. Real dancing. If they tell you “I can’t dance” then go take a lesson together. Groupon has them all the time. Take a cooking class together. Go to an art gallery.
5. Ask her out.
Literally. “Do you want to go out with me?” Isn’t hard!! Actually ask a woman out, ask her if she has plans for the weekend and then make reservations somewhere. Don’t text her “wyd?” 50,000 times. And when you two go out, hold her hand. If you’re not a hand holder, put your hand on her back or let her hold your arm. Be affectionate but not all over each other like you’re in heat. Put your phones away and look at each other, talk and laugh. Lose track of time, enjoying each other.Ladies, don’t reapply your lipstick at the table. Excuse yourself and get it together in the bathroom.
6. Be Clear With Your Intentions.
That grey area is the worst. After a few dates, maybe you two have spent a night or two together, time & money has been invested, but there’s no title. If you want this person to be your girlfriend, tell her. You might be out one night, picking up her favorite flowers and wine, and see her out with another guy. You’re going to be upset but if you two aren’t exclusive, she’s free to do whatever she wants. If you want her, be clear with your intentions. Too many people “talk” for 9 months, without actually being an official couple. And if you’re not interested in a relationship, don’t waste your time or money, and especially don’t waste their’s. There’s no point in dating just to date, not repeatedly anyways. Maybe you go on a date or two and just don’t hit it off, cool. Move along. Don’t keep dragging the situation out because you don’t have anything better to do. Find something better to do.
When I was younger and liked a boy, I would make him a tape. I sat by the radio, listening to love songs and recorded the ones that made me think of him, on a tape player. When I saw him in school, I gave it to him. There was usually a love note involved and some perfume sprayed on said note. We were very elaborate when we were kids, lol. But that seems to be impossible to find nowadays. The old school tape route would backfire for some because most of us have cd players in our cars, and iPod docks in our homes. So, make her a playlist on Spotify and send her the link. Be creative. I dated this guy who would send me old school youtube links to r&b videos, it was sort of the same thing and very sweet. He would randomly text me the link to Tamia’s “still” (or whatever other song came to his mind at the time) and it would make me smile. Maybe you’re not a love note writing kind of guy/girl. There are so many cheesy love quotes on IG and tumblr. Copy & paste it, put it in quotations and text it to her. Or write it in a card. The words don’t have to be originally yours if you don’t know how to say those things, but if they describe your feelings, they become special.
8. Formally Introduce Them.
A boy used to have to sit in your living room and talk to your parents before taking you out. It was a very big deal and a sign of respect. I’m not saying introduce everyone you’re dating to your parents but at some point, you should. Formally introduce them, “This is (insert name), my (insert title).” And if it’s not your parents and it’s still new, introduce them to your friends as just their name. That’s okay. My mother and grandmother have met a few guys, my father has met one. So, if I ever take you to Connecticut to meet my father, we’re getting married. Or home with me to Florida, to meet my grandfather.
9. Don’t Assume Sex Has To Be Had.
Just enjoy spending time with someone, don’t date for the intentions of sex. Don’t do everything I just mentioned, for sex. If sex happens, it happens. But don’t be crass enough to actually say “If I drive all the way over there, it’s not just to see you.” Drive over there just to see them! Enjoy someone’s company without them being naked and if you can’t do that, than you shouldn’t be dating them.
10. Speaking Of Sex, Make The First Time Special.
Every time will feel special with the right person but the very first time you share that moment, it should be rememberable. Candles and music should be involved. Take your time figuring out their body, give them a nice massage, take a bath together first and a shower the next morning. Hold them, look at them. It should feel amazing, not rushed. Not a quickie in the parking lot, leaving the bar. Get home and really take your time. You’ll enjoy it so much more and they will too. (This is also especially important for your first kiss, as well. It should be special.) The random hookups and rushed quickies should come along well into the relationship, not the beginning.
The invisible, unspoken rule to dating is always this;
whatever you did to get them, you must continue to do, to keep them.
WOW. As a woman who used to think I needed to leave the house beat every day, let me tell you now; less is more. Some days all I wear is lipstick, and I still feel just as pretty. The key to wearing makeup is to remember to take care of the skin underneath. I started drinking more water, I wash my face twice on oily days, and I clean my brushes with every use. Why do so many woman feel the need to be made up all the time? How come more of us aren’t comfortable in our skin? Let me tell you my makeup do’s and don’ts’.
DO drink water, lots of it. It’s truly the best thing for your skin and will brighten up a dull complexion.
DO eat dark greens, fruits and veggies. The darker, the better for you. Certain foods make you “pretty” because they’re full of great vitamins for your skin.
DON’T sleep in your makeup. This used to be a bad habit of mine and now the only time I do it, is if I’m not at home. But I’ve started carrying Makeup remover wipes with me. They aren’t as good as washing your face, but they are better than sleeping in a full face. When you sleep in makeup, it embeds into your skin, clogging your pores, and creating pimples & blackheads.
DON’T use dirty brushes. That’s just the same as putting new makeup on top of a face that still has old makeup on it.
DO throw away old makeup, especially mascara. You could get a nasty eye infection. Keep your makeup in a cool, dry place and throw it out every 3-6 months.
DON’T use those testers at makeup counters without sanitizing them. If you can, test color out on the back of your hand. Not your lips or face.
DO make sure you’re using the right color foundation. Too often do I see women with too light/too dark makeup.
DON’T forget to blend!! Don’t leave that concealer under your brows. There shouldn’t be ANY harsh lines. No one should be able to tell where your makeup starts/ends.
DO pay attention to the time of day/event. Don’t do a smokey eye and a red lip for work/day time.
DO embrace the no-makeup look. For a more natural look, keep everything simple. No lashes, no dramatic shadows, no bright lip. I love a natural look, I’ll show you mine.
Now, this is my “dramatic” night look. I literally am only wearing MAC’s night moth liner on my lips. This is a perfect fall look. I’m not big on eyeshadows, I typically stick to bronzes and browns. I pay more attention to my brows and my cat-eye. I don’t even like to wear false eyelashes anymore.
AND DON’T LET THEM TELL YOU THAT RED LIPSTICK IS ONLY FOR LIGHT SKINNED WOMEN! I found the perfect red for chocolate, it’s by Kevyn Aucoin and it’s a matte lip called “everlasting”.
Do what works for you, it’s taken me a few years of seriously applying my makeup to figure out what works for me. Everything I wear isn’t “name brand” and my brushes aren’t expensive. It’s all about the technique.
I’m guessing you wanna see me with no makeup now, huh? Lol
I’ve been this girl, hell, I’m still this girl sometimes if I can be completely honest. Except, I’m not running off with someone else, I’m just running period. Can I be real with ya’ll for a minute? I know you’re like “You’re always real.” I MEAN REALLY REAL.
I’m going to speak for myself personally, and tell you why I was this girl. No, I don’t have “daddy issues”. My biological father is a cool dude, I guess, but my step father (whom I consider my only dad) really stepped up and showed me how a woman was supposed to be treated by a man. Unfortunately, I lived with my grandmother and by the time I met my step father, irreparable damage had already been done. It wasn’t until I went to a few parenting classes last year, that I realized I had been emotionally and verbally abused my entire life. I was rarely hugged and kissed, told “I love you” and made to think I was beautiful. In fact, it was the opposite. I went through my chubby stage like all children did, and I was called fat at home. Growing up in the North and being dark skinned was already hard enough. I was never complimented for my rich ebony tone, not until my Dad started calling me “black beauty.” I didn’t really think I was pretty, my self esteem was pretty much shot. Like most girls, I ate attention up when I did get it, because I wasn’t used to it. It didn’t matter if the boy was mean to me in front of people but nice when it was just us, I ate up the nice moments. I made excuses for the sh*tty way I was treated, I was content with just being talked to.
My relationships would never last, because I needed constant reassurance. I was highly insecure and I wasn’t faithful (See; need for attention) My daughter’s father was great, I mean he had his faults, but I ruined him. Why? Because I was ruined. I didn’t love myself enough to love him, or let him really love me either. Fast forward to…maybe 2010? I was dating this guy named Eric. He was a little older, more mature, and finishing law school. He immediately intimidated me because he was more intelligent than I was, more polished than the guys I was used to. Eric called, made plans with me, showed up on time, never came empty handed, took me out, opened doors, never raised his voice or his hand at me and made me feel like a Queen. I f*cked that all up. I wasn’t emotionally mature enough for Eric when I met him. I pushed him away. I acted out. I made excuses, I blamed him. It wasn’t until Eric dumped me that I finally self-evaluated. I was intentionally ruining good things because I had been so used to sh*tty ones, I didn’t know how to appreciate them. I’ve thanked Eric throughout the years periodically, for teaching me how to be a woman and forcing me to look at myself for once. It was him who got me here.
Since then, through just growing up and accepting my flaws, my insecurity has almost diminished. I’m the most confident I’ve ever been and I’m positive that I’m in a place to really love the right person. I decided I was going to be good to whatever was good to me. I’ve made mistakes along the way, but I’m human. I was far too good to people who didn’t deserve it, but just the fact that I could be selfless and actually put someone’s feelings before mine was a good sign. It symbolized emotional growth. I stopped making excuses for my immature behavior and instead opted to be very honest with people. I had a situation, where I knew I wasn’t emotionally ready for this guy. He was really intense, and I had just gotten over a heartbreak. I really liked him but I just wasn’t there. I told him I needed to get my sh*t together and he hated me for it. He moved on immediately and wouldn’t even listen to my explanation. But I wasn’t going to be bitter about it, or revert back to old ways. I took that situation and learned from it.
If you’re not emotionally at a place where you can handle a situation, speak up sooner than later. Trust me. You may think you want something so bad until it’s in front of you. You’ll know you’re really ready for whatever it is that you ask for when you don’t second guess it. It will feel natural and you won’t question it. That’s the constant battle I have, “is this right, tho?” Nothing worth having will come easy but that doesn’t mean every day has to be a struggle. I asked this question on twitter and the best response I got was, “everybody wants a lambo until they find out how much it is to maintain it.” If you can’t afford an oil change on it, stick to your Corolla, until you’re comfortable if any emergency occurs. Same for relationships. To whom much is given, much is required. I pray for a husband, but then I question if I’m truly ready to be a wife. And I don’t know.
Therefore I’m going to stop looking for my better half and become a better whole.
Teyana Taylor’s debut album VII finally drops in Novemeber, she’s been releasing singles and snippets of sexy videos to hype the anticipation. Honestly? So far, so good. I like her voice and I’ll probably get it. Kim attended, looking uncomfortable, even though her usually somber hubby was showing all his teeth! It’s very rare to see Kanye smiling these days and especially a genuine one. Chris Brown looked yummy, I’m liking the extra weight on him. He was there with his main chick, Karrueche. They make a really nice looking couple, it’s nice to see him finally trying to do right.
I love Drake, and I actually like this song. But I’m having trouble really getting into Atlanta’s hipster hairdresser-turned whatever the hell he’s supposed to be, Makonnen. Is his voice really considered good? This is talent nowadays? Mind you, Drake signed him to OvO sound almost IMMEDIATELY. *rolls eyes*
Is it too early for this post? Who cares, it’s my blog. I probably discovered porn when I was 11. I was at my aunt’s house in Georgia and my cousin showed me the “bad” channels. In her room, they were blocked, so all that showed were colorful stripes and every now and then, you got a glimpse of a nipple or the head of a d*ck. There was sound though, Lord knows you could certainly hear what was going on. I remember we snuck into her mom’s room when they were gone, to watch it for real because of course, the channels were unlocked in her parent’s room. My eyes got wide and my insides got all fuzzy. I never really had the sex talk with my Grandmother, I think she was embarrassed about it or something. But I was a very curious child. I would go to CVS and tear open the Playboy magazines just to get a quick glimpse. Once I stole the free DVD that came with Hustler, I took it home and was too afraid to watch it. I lost it actually… like the amateur I was. I just remembered I always liked sex, even long before I started having it.
Hentai. *sighs happily* Just…..google it and judge me later. But I’m not going to apologize for my obsession with Japanese cartoon-porn. It’s damn near rape and sometimes incest, but for whatever reason, it’s the only kind of porn that turns me on. (And no, I’m not pro either of those situations, that’s just what most of Hentai is.) Hentai is the most stimulating for me, outside of real life sex, and physically watching people have sex in front of me. Which I’ve done, but it’s kind of awkward when you make eye contact. Anyways, “regular” (human) porn doesn’t do it for me. The moans are rehearsed, the lines are cheesy, the p*ssy is never truly wet enough and the genuine sloppy head is usually gross and OD. (Gag on my C*ck, etc.) But I can’t take the mediocrity that is “regular porn” and it does NOTHING for me. I stumbled across hentai accidentally a few years back, it was just regular cartoon stuff. Like Marge Simpson and Ned Flanders porn. Marge’s bush was blue and Ned was hung like a horse. For whatever reason, the fantasy of cartoons, having filthy sex, excited me. Maybe because it was something so innocent, that had been shown in such a dark light. It felt taboo, it still does, I just am more comfortable with myself now so I can admit I watch and love it. LMFAO I feel like such a creep when I say that and if my future husband is reading this, listen…this is the one thing about myself that I’ll probably never compromise on. I’ll lie and sneak and watch hentai at work. So, just accept me and my weird fetish okay?
Like I said, hentai is borderline S&M, rape. But if you’ve read most of my posts, you’ll know already that I’m a woman who enjoys being sexually dominated so anything aggressive, is my thing. But anyways, the Japanese draw their men and women perfect. In regular porn, the chick might be ugly, with saggy boobs and pimples on her a*s, and a huge gap in her teeth. In Hentai? They have perfect cantaloupe breasts, no cellulite, no pimples, nothing. They draw out every detail, from the tears their eyes to the gooey cum that drips from their bodies. It’s incredible. They yell sh*t in Japanese the entire time, with closed caption in English. The men are always portrayed as evil, and usually crazy as hell. The women are helpless, vixens who end up liking whatever happens to them. I recently got into the cartoons, like comic book style porn. No movement, no sound. And you know what? It worked just as well. I was completely captivated. Of course I feel dirty afterwards, like anyone with a soul who watches porn, but I can’t stop. I mean, I can go months without watching porn or what comes with it, but it’s never on purpose. It’s usually because I’m getting too much real life sex and don’t have the energy. I’m not addicted or anything, it’s just a weird obsession. I’m not here to convince anyone to like it or try and convert the regular porn watchers, I guess I’m just running my mouth as usual.
But you know what else is cool about Hentai that you don’t see in regular porn? Sometimes it shows the internal view of a cream pie. INTERNAL. Okay I’m done.
Rick Ross’ interview as to how he eats healthy now makes me cry laughing every time I watch it. But he’s onto something. When we set health goals for ourselves, it’s always the bigger picture. “I need to lose 50lbs in 6 months.” Um, no. That’s the easiest way to discourage yourself and you either lose nothing or actually gain a few. It’s too much pressure. If you want to lose 50lbs, don’t give yourself a time frame. Just focus on losing. Or, eliminate the number on the scale altogether. Muscle weighs more than fat and as you work out and gain lean muscle, your weight will fluctuate. Someone who’s 130lbs with 15% body fat, looks completely different than the same 130lb person with 35% body fat. Focus on getting rid of fat and inches, not “weight”. Start small. Grab a piece of fruit, instead of a cookie when you want something sweet. When I have a sweet tooth, I cut an apple and dip it in nutella. I’ve found that nutella + almond butter on my apple transform it into a snickers. No joke. I tried it one day out of boredom and it tasted like a snickers. Don’t waltz into the kitchen thinking you’re going to wake up and automatically crave healthy food either. You won’t, so start small. Swap cooking oil for olive oil or even better, olive oil spray. Throw your salt out. Swap whole milk for soy or almond milk. Buy cheese with less fat. Throw away chips and stock up on almonds, pretzels and pita chips, when you crave something salty and crunchy. Swap your pork bacon and sausage for the turkey version. (I’ll do this with sausage but not with bacon. Dammit.) Throw away your sugar. Swap white bread, flour and rice for brown. There are so many ways to start eating healthy, you don’t have to wake up and say “I’m only going to eat celery and drink water.” You can enjoy your favorite foods, just find different ways to prepare them. If you love fried chicken, learn how to oven fry. Look on youtube for cooking tutorials and download apps on your phone. I like Fooducate and Lose It! With fooducate, you can literally scan the barcode of something in the store and it will grade it for you, and offer healthier alternatives. With Lose It!, you can keep track of your meals and exercise and it’ll also tell you how long it will take you to lose those 50 lbs. It will give you a daily caloric plan also. If you’re not a big gym rat, that’s okay too. I don’t go as often as I think I should but the key is to go. And when you’re not going, eat right and stay active. Start walking, ride a bike, take up a sport, go dancing. Just get moving. You’ll see a difference I promise you, I just found my ribs and I’ve never been more excited to see what else is hiding under there.
This is big for me. No HUGE for me. Because people always told me what I COULDN’T do. I wrote down a goal, I told myself I was going to be writing for a magazine by December of this year. I told myself if I didn’t, I would go back to school. Or leave Atlanta. I stepped out on faith and simply asked one day on Instagram, “How do I get my writing samples to you? I would like to write for your publication.” I sent 3 of my blog posts from lovejfab.com and received an email, setting up and interview within 2 days.
Look at me, I’m a single mother, who dropped out of college 5 years ago. I started my blog on tumblr, with no web designer, nothing, and for free 3 years ago. I launched lovejfab.com this year, with a couple hundred bucks for logo design and that’s it. I landed an internship at a big magazine, without being in college. Without a journalism degree. Without a clue on how I was going to get my foot in the door. Diddy started off as an intern, and well, google him.
Anything is possible. Find your passion, find your purpose.
I’m blessed and grateful and you n*ggas better hope I stay humble. LOL