I know what you’re thinking, what about what women want? You’re a woman! Look, we don’t even know what we want to eat when we’re asking so let me just eliminate the exhaustion.
WHO KNOWS WHAT WOMEN WANT.
To be honest, there are some days I’m so indecisive, I piss MYSELF off. I’m literally a wreck at any given time, simply because I’m a woman. If you want to get deeper, I’m a West Indian Sagittarius woman so go ahead and call me spoiled, stubborn, moody, whatever. So I know how annoying I am, I don’t even have time to figure you other women out.
But I try to pay a lot of attention to men. Whether I’m dating you, you’re a friend venting about your crappy relationship or you’re a co-worker; I’m always observing and making mental notes. Every man is different, but essentially; they all want the same things. In no particular order of importance, I’m going to tell you what I know men want in relationships. And actually, while sex is important, VERY…I’ve found that it’s not number 1 on men’s lists.
They want to be the MAN.
Respect. Admiration. Shutting the hell up when the game is on.
When you respect your man, you treat him like a King. Naturally. And not the way these young couples on IG hashtag “Goals” under pictures of shitty old pics of Chris & Karreuche. I mean, you literally worship this man. Not in a degrading way, not like he’s your master but when this man walks in a room; you let him.
A man’s ego is their most fragile component of their being. He’ll guard his heart like it’s Sparta and will be able to hide his feelings much better than you, but if you ever bruise his ego? That’s it. The minute you make him feel less than a man is the minute you lose him.
Don’t embarrass him in front of anyone, don’t talk down to him, etc, etc.
They want romance too.
As hard as it is to believe, men want romance and all the stuff we want too. They just won’t say it. But men like (and need) to be desired, flirted with, pursued. I can’t imagine how stressful it must be to always have to make the first move. Especially in the era where women call everything “thirsty”. If a man is physically attracted to you, naturally he wants you to feel the same way. (Ego.) Call him fine or sexy or whatever. Flirt with your man! I’m a flirty person in general but with my fiancé, I’m a complete horn ball.
On the flip side, men really like romance! Don’t believe the hype, they love that shit. I’ve come across way to many grown men who’ve never/just recently experienced a woman lighting candles for them and catering to them for once. They’re so used to running a woman’s bath and rubbing her feet that they go without it. They’re wired to think they dislike those things, because they happen so infrequently. But try it. Have dinner ready when he walks in, take his hand and take him in the bathroom. Take his clothes off, ask him about his day, light candles and let him unwind for a change. Make love to him. Let him lay back and you do all the work for a change. He’ll love it.
They want you to believe in them.
DISCOURAGE YOUR MAN.
Never mind his ego, or his pride, this will screw up his self esteem and worth as a man. If your man says “baby, I want to open up a (insert random business here). What you think?” Don’t roll your eyes and say anything negative. Take him serious. Ask him how he plans to do it. And not like “Well how the f*ck you think you got time to do C-Z and you can’t even do A&B?!” Don’t go black girl on him. When I say ask him how he plans to do it, say just that. But start positive.
“That sounds fun/cool/interesting…”
“What made you want to do that?”
“Ok, how do you plan on achieving that?”
“How can I help?”
Start with positive words, even if his idea to you sounds farfetched. Say it’s interesting, that’s not a lie. Find out what brought him to his idea. You’ll be able to tell how serious he is by his response. If he says he wants to be a rapper because “they let Young Thug rap…I can mumble too.” (No disrespect to Thugger, because I actually love him. But these are things people say.) Then maybe go black girl on him. But if he says he wants to open a specific business, and someone personally in his life inspired him or it’s a genuine passion…support him. Ask him how he plans on achieving his goals, so it registers in his mind that you believe in him. You’re already speaking it into existence for him, motivating him. End with asking him how you can help.
But don’t ever assume he needs/wants your help. Even if you know someone who knows someone, don’t step on his toes. He might need to prove something to himself by making this happen all on his own. Let him. But offer so he knows he has the support if he needs it.
Like I said, what women want changes so often, we couldn’t really gauge it. I guess I can only speak for myself and say…I want the same things I named above. I want respect and romance and to be believed in. Most importantly, for me, is to be protected. Physically, and spiritually. I just want my man to be the man. But I have to get out of his way and let him. You’ll know what your partner needs in the relationship if you care enough to pay attention. I’m not as complicated as most women, but that took time and a lot of failed relationships. I’m not immune to random break downs and mood swings but at least now, I can usually pinpoint what triggered it. I’ve kind of gotten the hang of this thing called effective communication. That’s the key to life, not just relationships. Effective communication isn’t just being able to tell someone something, it’s being able to listen also. Everything isn’t an argument, a relationship isn’t a power struggle. I’ve learned not to even expect mutual effort in a relationship. One, you shouldn’t expect anything from anyone or any situation because you’ll end up disappointed. Let things go the way they’ll go and decide how to react. Second, no two people are alike. How I love might not be how you love. My 100% might feel like 250 to you and your 100% might feel like 50 to me. Just give me the best you you can be and I’m happy. I used to expect someone to love me the way I would love them. But you have to learn how every person loves.
And what is love, really?