How To End “No Invite?”

Let’s try to figure out why your friends can’t stand you anymore.

1. It’s not you, it’s your new boyfriend or girlfriend.

Maybe you just got in a relationship, and have been ditching your friends to spend all of your time with that person. A lot of people do this, without even realizing  it and your friends have mentioned it a few too many times. So, they show you what you’re missing. And now you’re #mad. On the flip side, maybe you talk about or bring your significant other along every time it’s supposed to just be “the fellas”. Life isn’t a Tyler Perry movie, your entire circle isn’t married and doing every damn thing together as a party of 8. And if you are, then I’m not talking to you.

2. You’re “broke”.

Before you start handing out fades, listen to me. Your financial status doesn’t change your friendship status, UNLESS YOU LET IT. Your friends know what you’re going through, so if they ask you out, knowing you possibly can’t afford it, I’m sure they’re willing to cover you. But if every time they call and say “hey wyd tonight? let’s go ____” and you say “Can’t. I’m broke.” It’s a downer. They didn’t ask you could you afford it, they invited you out. Now if you’re truly trying to save money or just don’t have it, say that. But don’t just scream “I’m broke I’m broke I’m broke I’m broke” because it’ll sound like you want someone to feel sorry for you & they won’t invite you because they’ll assume what? You’re broke. So you can’t come anyways.

3. You’re too extra.

 This is the friend who has to run to the mall EVERY Friday for something “fly” to impress other people they don’t know. This is the girlfriend who refuses to buy her own drinks, ever, and expects men to pay for her entire night out. This is the homeboy who name drops and claims to know everyone at the door, and then complains about how much the cut line is. This is the friend who doesn’t get invited because at the end of the day, it’s not that serious. I don’t mind parking down the block, standing in a small line and buying my first drink..or all my damn drinks. I’m there to have a good time regardless.

4. You do this.

10354547_522605247843825_1297817768_nDO. NOT. DO. THIS. Too many times have I agreed to pick a friend up, and two people walk up to my car. “This is so & so, is it cool if they come?” Uh, no? I’m all for new friends, sure, friends of friends, but do not force someone into the circle. It makes things awkward. And I can’t sit here and discuss all my business in front of this new person. I don’t know them!

5. You flaked already a few times.

We invited you, you had other plans. Or didn’t feel good. Or didn’t have money. Or said yeah and then said no. Or just 100% stood your friends up. Every time, we asked. So you know what? We’re not going to ask anymore. Simple as that. I’ve been this friend, and actually have had to check myself a few times after getting in my feelings about being left out.

6. You want to be invited but don’t actually ever invite anyone, anywhere else.

Apparently you’re Bey and we’re Latavia, Letoya, Farrah, Kelly and Michelle. We didn’t know our social lives revolved around you. We see you out with other people and don’t trip. Or in the group chats, the same friends are the only ones suggesting plans and you come in last with a simple “I’m down.” It would make everyone feel better if the same friends weren’t the only ones making suggestions.

7. Trouble follows you.

Like the three musketeers, “all for one and one for all” UNLESS you constantly get yourself (and us) in some wild sh*t. You can’t come out without being kicked out of somewhere, which in turn, gets us all kicked out with you. It’s draining and nobody wants to have to babysit you. This also ties into what would’ve been #8, you lose control. You can’t hold your liquor and all hell usually breaks loose after round 3.

9. You never want to drive or tip.

You’re THAT guy. We always have to pick you up, which means we have to wait on you, drive our gas out, drink responsibly, and then drop you off at 3am when we really just wanted to go straight home or to our boo’s house. You don’t offer gas money, you turn down our music to argue with your boyfriend or girlfriend (see #1) and you get to drink until you’re sick because you don’t have to drive! You’re also the friend who doesn’t just throw in whatever for the tip. You want to analyze the entire bill, argue that you “only” ordered an app and a water, or demand separate bills and break your calculator out. The bill is $120, there’s 5 of us. Everyone chip in $30 to include a tip and stfu.

10. You have to be the center of attention. No matter what.

This is self explanatory. No one wants to be around a douche bag who isn’t a team player. We didn’t come out to hear you take over the conversation, dictate where the group had to go because you didn’t like anything we came up with. You’re bossy and narcissistic and should go home and watch netflix.

So, learn how to be a good friend to your friends and you won’t have to find out about the fun they had without you, the next morning on social media. But please, stop commenting “no invite?”. You look pathetic and it’s getting old.

WHEN’S THE LAST TIME SOMEONE HIT YOU WITH “NO INVITE?”

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