Work Husbands Are A Real Thing

You leave the house before your girl wakes up, never seeing how fine she looks that day or kissing her goodbye and guess what? Her work husband will fix all that. Let’s call him… “Steve”. Steve is gonna tell your girl a cheerful good morning and probably get a hug, smelling that Chanel on her neck that you bought her last year. He’s gonna ask her how her night/weekend was and genuinely listen, sharing his own experience. He’s gonna notice that she’s changed her hair or nail polish and playfully ask her “what’s for lunch?” And guess the fuck what? If you’re not doing your job; she’s gonna eat Panera with that nigga at 1:00. 

My ex understood this perfectly. And it wasn’t until recently that I even realized he was aware of the work husband ting. But he would make sure every morning I woke up being told how beautiful I was, he would pray over my day and wish me well. Sometimes he would come by before I went in just to hug and kiss me. In his mind, he probably was like “fuck that nigga Steve. Ima be the first man to make her smile today.” And it worked. He would come take me to lunch if his schedule permitted, or send me flowers and edible arrangements just because. My work man was shook. They were in indirect competition and it was cool lol. It would be the days we were beefing, that I would lean on my work husband. I’ll explain. 

Your girl is having a bad day right? You’re not there to see it and technically you can’t do anything about it because you’re at work too. Her work husband can fix all that shit, and he will. He’ll see the frown and ask her what’s wrong while you’re busy in a staff meeting and can’t text her. He’ll offer her advice and boost her mood, all while saying corny shit like “now I’m not leaving until you smile.” And she will. She’ll laugh even and this nigga might get another hug out of it. The work husband will listen to her. He has first row seats to her day and her mood and he’ll know how to pick her up and keep her going. He’ll vent to her about what his girl isn’t doing and she’ll do the same. They’ll realize how much they have in common, they’ll catch eye contact in the staff meetings and have inside jokes in the break room. They’re both at work, away from home and y’all nagging asses (the spouses) all day so afterwards, it’s easier to go grab a drink “real quick”. That’s how my work affair started. 

Once upon a time, not long ago, I had a “Steve” and he quickly set out to be my work husband. It was so bad, other work spouse-suitors would throw their hands up when I spoke and said “whoa, ____ ain’t gonna kick my ass for standing here talking to you.” I had a man, he had a girl. We were both missing something, or that’s what we decided would be the reason. I was actually happy in my relationship, but he didn’t pay me much attention (I later found out why) and my work husband couldn’t stop paying me attention. He noticed everything. If I changed my liner or wasn’t wearing lashes. He was as big a flirt as me and funny as shit. My man wasn’t. And it’s hard dating a man who isn’t funny. Lunches turned into drinks after work, drinks after work turned into movie dates and making out. Making out turned into an all day one night stand on our off day. Did I feel bad? Sometimes. I hate lying about where I’m at and who I’m with. One time, his girl came to the bar we were at and pulled a “lemme talk to you outside” move on him. Was I shook? No. Because we were just co-workers, having a drunk down the street from our job. So we thought. 

Eventually, the work husband wants to become the real life man and that’s when shit gets fucked up. It’s this fantasy that never needs to be a reality because when you guys are beefing; it’s obvious and uncomfortable. He flipped on me once about a test drive with a fine ass dude that lasted an hour, and I accused him of sleeping with the new girl. Neither of us belonged to one another, yet we did. Work spouses are trouble, but they are very real.

Signs your man/woman has a work spouse:

  • They start to be very particular in what they wear to work. If they’ve always been fly, it’ll be hard to tell. But usually you’ll notice they’re dressing up more. Getting more frequent hair cuts. Wearing different smell goods.
  • They work longer than they’re scheduled, but not really. If they’re hourly, cool. They’re making more money. But someone on salary or commission could go home at any time. They’re just hanging out at work, to escape home and you. 
  • They come home telling you what “Steve” said, all of a sudden. She doesn’t laugh at none of your shit but she comes home in tears at what this nigga said today. 
  • You pop up to surprise him/her for lunch and they’re either gone together or you notice some new stuff on their desk that you didn’t buy them. Flowers, a card, something small from their work spouse. 

Can you stop your man/woman from having a work spouse? Not really. Especially if you’re slacking. Step your shit up. And if you’re doing everything right and you still feel like there’s a Steve, I don’t know…..

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