I’ll be 29 this December and in the words of Cardi B;
My life changed DRASTICALLY!
I remember when I was 12 or 13, writing a letter to my future self. I specifically said I would have my shit together by 25, and meant it! I wrote about my amazing career, 2 kids, lovely husband and big ass house. Let me just let ya’ll know now, none of that shit happened. LOL. Although, 2017 is looking to be my glo up year so you never know. 2018 just might be what 2014 should’ve been. The crazy part is, that’s the year I turn 30. And I know for most people, especially women, THAT IS THE YEAR ALL YOUR SHIT DEFINITELY IS SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER.
I’m finally at a place where I don’t care about what people think.
To a certain extent, of course. But for the most part? I truly don’t give a damn anymore and it’s the most freeing feeling I’ve ever experienced. Just a few years ago, I wouldn’t walk out of my house without my entire face beat. And back then, my makeup skills weren’t even as bomb as they are now! But I needed those horrible brows, and that un-contoured face to feel pretty. I didn’t want people to see me bare. It was a vulnerable feeling. Maybe it’s a combination of drinking more water/having a skin care regimen now, along with my IDGAF attitude but my skin has seen more makeup-less days than ever. I’m fucking glowing right now, and I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin. Aside from things as shallow as not wearing makeup, I find myself needing less approval these days. Especially from people who’s opinions don’t even fucking matter. I used to ask 8 people what they thought about something before making a decision, and often letting their opinions outweigh my own. Nowadays, I do things without consulting anyone. I may have conversations, but I’m making more statements and asking less “what do you think?” type of questions.
I’m not pressed to date shitty guys anymore.
I don’t know if this was a phase or what, but from 2012-2016, I was damn near addicted to ain’t-shit-niggas. And I gleefully bounced from one heartbreak to the next! They say you are who you attract so I believe during those years, I wasn’t shit either. And honestly, I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure of myself, where I was going. I wasn’t progressing. I was an ugly person on the inside, very spiteful and full of hate and resentment. I was only concerned with feeling good, even if it wasn’t long-term. So, if you dated me during those years and you were a good guy; I’m sorry I fucked it up. These days, I actually am enjoying myself and being single. And I mean single, like no options at all! But it’s nice, I’m doing more things I enjoy alone. I knew I was definitely either a better person or just making better choices, when I refused to entertain and stay in situations that weren’t right for me, at the first sign. I no longer make excuses for men, or try to date their potential. They are who they are and there’s no changing people so it’s better to just block his number and love myself right now. I know what I have to offer now, and there’s two things that have come with that glaring clarity;
I’m more selective with who I offer my greatness to.
I don’t offer 100% of myself right away anymore. I’m learning how to be earned.
I want more female friends.
When I was younger, I was such a bitch. I was catty and everything was a competition. If I felt like a girl was prettier than me, I didn’t want to be her friend! Her light would dim mine! As I’m getting older, I welcome those girls a level up from me. It’s not a competition and honestly it’s a friendly reminder to get and keep my shit together. I have some amazing women in my life now who don’t even know that they’re some of my biggest inspirations. We keep each other on point. I’ve been making new friends, and actually keeping them, lately. I’m learning how to be a better woman not just to myself and for my future husband, but to my friends also. Good girlfriends are essential and I appreciate every single one in my life today.
My body is changing.
Some of this is good, and some of it fucking sucks. But the weight I’ve gained (30 lbs) over the last 3 years from birth control and stress, hasn’t budged. In my younger days, I snapped back pretty quickly. Now, it takes real work and I’m realizing it. I was running 3 miles a day for 2 months last summer/fall and saw ab definition coming in. I didn’t have a roll under my bra strap anymore. I was snatched. And then, I stopped working out when I moved and started a new job, and fell into bad eating habits and bitch I’m big. LOL. So, I’m going to have to put some work in and get back in control. On the good part, like I said my skin is changing. It’s clear and glowing, like I’m 15. I’m having less breakouts, I wear less makeup even when I beat my face. My natural eyelashes are growing, shit even my eye dr said my vision is getting better. LOL, I’m fucking lit. My breasts are even better! They’re fuller yet perkier, weird. But I’ll take it.
I care less and less about being seen and on the scene.
I haven’t been to a real club in years, I probably couldn’t hang honestly. I’ve become more of a day party/happy hour girl. I’m not interested in staying out until 6AM anymore. I get sleepy quicker, drunk quicker, and horny. And I’m single so that only pisses me off because by the time I get home and wash my makeup off; I’m too sleepy to watch porn lol. A few weeks ago, I was out until 5 and I was pissed. But I had a good time. Every now and then I guess it’s fine but shit, get me out at 6:30 to watch a game or have a drink and in bed by 10:30; I’m a happy girl.
I know women who are afraid to turn 30, I actually am not. A year and 7 months from now, when I turn 30; I’m pretty sure I’ll wake up with the biggest smile on my face. I’ll be more secure then than now, and finally have my shit together. Not because 30 is some magical number, but because I’m already making progress now at 28. I can only go up from here. If you’re 30 already or close to it, are you noticing the same things?