I sat and watched LHHATL, judge away, and for once; found myself agreeing with Tommie for popping off. There was a scene where 2 lame ass women were bragging about sleeping with and dating married men. BRAGGING! And Tommie, in true Tommie-shit fashion, went the fuck off and it was a rare moment I applauded her. This is also the same season where Kirk’s cheating ass has stepped out on Rasheeda yet again and even Tiny is arguing on social media with her husband’s side chick. Her. Husband’s. Side. Chick. These women are crazy, both of them lol. What happened to the days when your grand father knew to hide his whole 2nd family on another side of town, and she kept her damn mouth shut when they passed in public? You know what, that’s a part of the problem.
I don’t blame these side chicks for speaking out, I blame everyone involved. Except the wife, unless she’s dealing with woman after woman. Sweetie, YOU are the wife. You hold all the cards and the power, and you need to know that. I’m not married so I don’t know how I would act in a cheating situation, would I stay the first time but draw the line the second? Or would I pack my shit and set his on fire after the first “I’m coming to you as a woman…” text? I don’t know. But what I do know is, the public humiliation these husbands and their concubines put these women through, is disgusting.
Once upon a time, I dealt with a married man. At first, unknowingly. He never wore a ring, never spoke about a wife, and publicly courted me during daylight so I never thought anything of it. Until I started falling for him, and I asked him one day “how come you’re single? You’re so amazing.” Ya’ll. This man scoffed and laughed as we sipped frozen margaritas on a patio in the middle of Atlanta, and said “I’m not. I’m married.” Suddenly, my chips and queso started doing the swag surf in my stomach and I was speechless. He gave me the “I’m not happy” sob story and I was young, I knew better but in my mind it was too late. We hadn’t slept together yet but I was emotionally attached, and not to mention he was now my boss. Who had given me the salary I named and flown me to Miami without even blinking. I developed anxiety over the whole thing, especially when he would take a call on the balcony away from me. Or sit in his Escalade and stare at me, while speaking tensely into his headphones while we held hands in the parking lot of whatever restaurant we were going to. I didn’t realize my huge mistake until he told me he loved me, and wanted to get an apartment for us in the city. I lost it. But I stayed, I thought I could control the sex part at least. I stopped sleeping with him, but like a junkie; I would relapse every few months. He was much older, which I didn’t know until after the fact also and I was this 20-something hornball who loved things he hadn’t done since his college days. But he had a wife, and they had children. And a dog. And all types of shit that I would’ve put in jeopardy. I quit, him and the job cold turkey and I begged God to forgive me. He forgave me, but not before he took everything I’d gained during that affair-from me. I had one of the worst years following that whole thing, so bad that it just clicked for me then.
God was not about to bless me, for being a whore with a married man. He took that shit seriously. I mean, these people stood in front of Him and promised to honor and obey, love and cherish, all of that. And here I was cashing payroll checks that probably came from their joint bank account, and getting my ass eaten in the whip she probably drove from time to time. It made me sick, and I made a promise to never do that shit again. I want my own husband one day, and I don’t want that kind of karma. To this day, if I even think you have a girlfriend or are married- I want no parts. I was young and dumb once and dated men who were already in relationships, I felt like “that aint got shit to do with me” and that I could take them or whatever the hell young, dumb girls think. Girl, no. It wasn’t until I started loving myself, and realizing my worth and believing that no man was better than a piece of a man, that my mindset changed. It’s honestly the quickest way to get me not to fuck with you these days. There’s a married man right now, trying to “buy” me. Promises to pay rent, buy me a car, give me whatever I desire; in return for companionship. Which loosely translates to “I would like to fuck you from time to time, because I’m over 40 and balding and my wife no longer sucks my dick the way I know you could.” NO FUCKING THANKS. He even laughed when I said “pleasing my flesh and honoring my spirit are two different things. There’s nothing you could do that would make me even entertain you.” Like, this man laughed at a woman doing the right damn thing, in the eyes of God! How much worse could he be?
I don’t understand why men marry women, they’re not going to be faithful to. Why take that huge step? Why write vows? Shit, why waste your damn money on a ring and all that? To be with someone for years and years and say “I just need some excitement.” get excited about your got damn wife. Try something new, with her. And if all else fails and you’re that unhappy, leave! You both deserve better at that point. But the proud side chicks don’t make it any easier. There are women, especially in Atlanta, who damn near cum off of the idea of having someone else’s man. But how empty could that be, for your spirit? Never mind your bank account, your closet, or your wrist. When you have to celebrate Valentine’s Day the weekend before, not spend Christmas with this man, never meet his family, continue to be his filthy secret…how does that feel? No amount of money or attention, is worth my soul. And even when I had everything, it looked like, I felt nothing. If I wanted to look over my shoulders every day, I would just sell drugs.
Women, you’ve got to start holding these married men accountable. No you’re not the one who took vows, or the one who’s married, and you don’t owe the wife anything…but you owe it to yourself. You deserve to be someone’s one and only, not a main, or side, or anything. You deserve to be someone’s wife one day, and you won’t get there by coveting another woman’s husband. It’s not your duty to anyone else, but yourself. Trust me, put yourself in that woman’s shoes and think. It’s never worth it, and just think… if a man would step out on his WIFE, what makes you think he would honor and respect YOU?
The cold hard reality to all this, is this man will NEVER be yours completely. If you’re having sex with a married man, or sleeping with a guy that has a girlfriend, sure he has feelings for you during the sex. Yes, he has feelings for you in the heat of the moment, but if he hasn’t left his wife, children, and home, he isn’t going to.
It doesn’t matter what he promises. I don’t care how many trips he takes you on, or rings that he buys you. It’s all talk. So many women fall for the fairytale idea that somehow he’s going to leave his family behind, and ride off into the sunset with you. He has a wife, he has children, and he has commitments. All that’s happening is he’s not getting what he needs at home, so you’re giving it to him instead. He spends time with you, and then goes home to play Daddy. He loves his kids. His wife isn’t giving him what he needs. He has the best of both worlds, and he knows full well he’s playing you.
You’re a sex object. You’re his mistress. You’re his place of refuge when he’s bored. You’re nothing but a little plaything to him. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but someone needs to make you women see what’s really going on in this situation. I feel for you, and I want you to find an amazing man of your own, not for you to take another woman’s, or for a man to treat you like a piece of meat. You deserve so much more than that! – David Wygant